the end of all things to come

oh why this feeling is just like a deja-vu
associate once and then being cut off
maybe i misunderstood the authenticity
maybe i deserved too many chances all my attempts are stale
i'm starting to jade myself knowingly unknowingly
can someone tell me am i improving
am i being too aggresive or do i give up too fast?
aw the same life cycle continues -gain-go-miss-cry-neutral
just that everything happens in a faster pace.
and more puzzles about myself were put in pieces through these so im not regretting
though there might be disappointing times
but i am the one who chose my path.

oh and why am i getting silent in most conversations now
its so hard to please everyone everytime
you tune in here and you might mess up there
you tune too much and you might end up nowhere

oh and im working already.
i know its being like four months - but i dont seem to accept that i already am working already.
there's no drastic change on my mentality
do i need to grow up accordingly before i learn it the hard way?

oh and i went redbox again.
sorry and thank you for the torture. (though no one who went with me would be seeing this blog)
the amazement in all of your faces and the knowingly fake 'cheers' and 'applauses' made my day. or days.

.....

happy new year!