ask

ask. ask. ask.

excessive?

blank.

answers doesnt sound awkward though.
there's some level of authenticity
or am i just viewing the glass half full.

think of something interesting to tell.

blank.

think of something to comment.
commented by self in the answer.

blank again.

ask. ask. ask.

i remember the annoyance of this monotony.
is this supposed to happen?

not easy.
i have to do better than me, me and then, me, and finally, me.

revert

i need to find the right tuning
to not cross the line and to be somewhere visible
these thoughts have being overwhelming me lately
numerous assumptions and vague answers
can i interpret it as being slightly better than neutral?
i dont like to take things for granted but i felt like i'm doing so.
oh, the irony.

and there's is feeling that the 'me' from the past is coming back, somehow.
might be im improved.
might be im more reckless.
it's too subjective to judge but, you see it now, how things are the way it is now, dont you?

and , and, whatever that i already deserved, i really apprieciate them. thanks for the attention.

last but not least, sorry to all of those i've bother and thanks for the ears and advices, regardless of the result.

miss confirmation

i see.
i'm done.
another red sign.

maybe my blog title's a curse for eternal solitairity.
maybe i should change the title?

well, after some thought, i won't.
just to prove that i'm a stubborn person.

after all i never grow bored listening to red sign.

mirana nightshade

another miss. i think.
the more i try to do something about it, the worse it gets. i guess.

should be thankful that i'm rid of this prolonged curse.
i'm getting more and more pieces of myself arranged.
and hence realised the ugly in me

whatever happens now
it shall be another mirror to reflect on myself
be it short
or long.

sometimes grapes are just too tasty i do not deserve to taste'em.

elune's arrow fired. missed. now the best step to take is to leap away. and so i shall hide within the moonlight shadow.

better luck next time.

just-a-few-minutes-of-overeaction

i see the difference.
im getting more and more honest to myself.
better suffer than sorry.

am i taken lightly? or i just see myself as taken lightly.
i see more differences.

am i appreciated?
hope so. seems not.
i'm just one of the many.
i wish i was special

im confused. very very confused. someone please enlighten me.

but im getting used to the pain. heh.

reset

is this karma?
i dont feel that bad though
i hope they dont.

reject. and then rejected.
i guess that's the way it is.
reality's no heaven.

i guess i have to lower down all my expectations so that i wont kill myself all the time.
not literally i mean.
lord save my throat.

the end of all things to come

oh why this feeling is just like a deja-vu
associate once and then being cut off
maybe i misunderstood the authenticity
maybe i deserved too many chances all my attempts are stale
i'm starting to jade myself knowingly unknowingly
can someone tell me am i improving
am i being too aggresive or do i give up too fast?
aw the same life cycle continues -gain-go-miss-cry-neutral
just that everything happens in a faster pace.
and more puzzles about myself were put in pieces through these so im not regretting
though there might be disappointing times
but i am the one who chose my path.

oh and why am i getting silent in most conversations now
its so hard to please everyone everytime
you tune in here and you might mess up there
you tune too much and you might end up nowhere

oh and im working already.
i know its being like four months - but i dont seem to accept that i already am working already.
there's no drastic change on my mentality
do i need to grow up accordingly before i learn it the hard way?

oh and i went redbox again.
sorry and thank you for the torture. (though no one who went with me would be seeing this blog)
the amazement in all of your faces and the knowingly fake 'cheers' and 'applauses' made my day. or days.

.....

happy new year!