Eclipse

My IE and msn are screwed for god sakes i'm already so disconnected from my social circle
everything around me is going wrong

why do i still interest in things that i disciplined myself not to know?
is mentioning hazardous?
its going to go away someday right?
it's not like i am gonna gain anything from bitching like that.
start something
do something
i did didn't i?
or maybe i haven't finish doing
just stuck somewhere in the middle

i was told, the day that had passed, to reach sooner
it reached, coincidentally as the same day
it passed, and it was as blissful as it is so then, i was warned since ...
and i've forgotten, or maybe never experienced, that kind of bliss in my life.
why am i told anyway.
you didn't mean to lie, but lied.

four full moons after now, i wonder where will i belong to
the mere thought of it scares me, not mentioning seeing or living the day
two full moons before now, i solemnly dread
that i didn't
because i couldn't
and i shouldn't.
perhaps... i... should..

Traffic

i can, could i?
i didnt.
fearing i'm not allowed to.
and turns out i'm allowed to.
what if i did?
i'm not allowed to, because i didn't?
am i supposed to regret?
am i supposed to even know the answer?
whether i am or not, there's already one, and it doesnt make any difference
so, better keep it a question, knowing a definite answer would cause trouble.
i'm glad that i kept myself sober

a sudden thought of a child protecting his doll despite that him himself was getting bullied and beaten by a mob.
then the mob gets tired and goes away, the child looks at his unharmed doll and smiled.
then the doll breaks into piece without reason, and the child cries.
Although this has no relation to me,
nor am i sure why i came across this thought,
i shed tears.
i couldn't control it.
i was driving and was horned by a car behind.

I like to sleep but i hate to dream.
Better lonely than bringing someone else down with me.

Blaming period. Ignore me.

Nata de Coco

i'm a sin
when i go i should go all out.
hestitating.sucks.
i deserve the ignorance
well, it doesnt really bother me and i've learnt a lesson.

and the blaming goes away for now
and, i've grown, for now..
i know, the blaming is gonna come back someday
and, i'll shrink, for that moment.
let's just hope that i grow.

Ah, and there are times when i feel i don't wanna grow up at all.
I love the irony
that's why i like chewing nata de coco
The surface seems firm and yet so soft
It could be easily broken into pieces and yet it stays so rigid
It's feels juicy and is made of fibre
It's processed from coconut and contains no oil
I can eat it even if im full

even if im full..
when would i, be filled?

Vague Confession

I am blaming now.
Sorry.
I know you dont deserve to be blamed.
I know i'm in no position to blame too.

I hate it when i tried my best and i still cant be honest even in my blog.
people judge, it matters too much to me.
i've given up so many just to reach the point of giving up.
.
full stop.

Can imaginary me stop talking, and listening to myself?
Everything turned out so wrong
i'm left with silence

and i've realised..
its never taken
could i just, take it back myself, and try giving again
with or without another?
preferably, rationally, morally, supposingly,
with a n o t h e r.

im honest now. dont like it? fuck you.

Blame

when i feel lonely
i think
too much
is it that im just finding something to blame
for my loneliness
because its the only thing that comes to mind
coupled with the uneasiness of the hollowness
so, its just me, blaming.
blaming. blaming. blaming.

and the blaming stops
when there is something
anything
anything that removes the loneliness

and when the something goes away
the blaming comes back

31 - 10 =

im growing
literally
mentally
physically
and horizontally
when can i go back to the time
when i know nothing and believe in everything at all?

back then
simple things entertain me
not now
but at least, now..

what's done is done
if i were to travel back in time
it wouldn't be fair to those who can't
it's time to learn to give up the innocence
and take on the responsiblity
which, ironically can't be portrayed with anything that i've done now

let's just believe in reincarnation..
it gives us the chance to return to innonence
as well as limitless chances to grow up with uncertainties and obstacles
cause without it, life would be boring as i know what's gonna happen
which demotivates me from putting any effort since i know, its gonna happen

i see yellow sign.