keep out. it's boring.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

pure irony part 1

i know im not supposed to say those
and yet i did
seems that i've being bothering her

i should be happy with how she talks to me now
instead of asking for more
but she talks to certain people with full interest and attention
wonder why she didnt do it to me
or maybe she did and the way i responded decreased her interest and attention to me?

and heck she hates it when i complain about this
im so screwed if she reads this

Sunday, May 27, 2007

(ran out of suitable song titles)

another day without her
or more like
another day without me

playing more and more WoW
seeing less and less her
dissappointed in myself
maybe it's better that things happened this way

i can talk to most people that i've met
wonder why i can't to her
or maybe it's because i expect too much?

and i'm not doing anything
if things goes on like this
then nothing would happen to me

i'm confused
i hope she listens to me
not about this
time is wasted again and again
(not thinking anyone would understand this verse)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Indecisive - Empty Decorations (Lagu Kopitiam).mp3

here i go again with repetitive stuff
her her her and her again

she has lots of thoughts going about in her mind
wonder why she becomes blank when facing me
seems like im still a total stranger
im too risky to be told anything?
or it is just uncomfortable?
or she did tell me some already? just that i'm not satisfied while i should be
i wanna know more about her
nevertheless the more i know the more that i know i don't know

she seems traumatised by her past
i dont wanna do that, i dont wanna hurt her
i'm can't control her feelings.. so i can't possibly hurt her right?
i hope that i can control her feelings which would mean the possiblity of doing damage
and i know
i'm new to this
i'm not sure about me being completely harmless to her
if i had the chance..
as if i would..
i would like to try
yet i know its reasonable that she doesnt want to take this risk
and again
why risk something that's undesired?
dont associate at all?
it's still harmful, in a way..

she seems to embrace freedom..
so what i wish to do would take her freedom away?
i'm told that i give the impression that i would
i feel like changing, but it's not something that can be done overnight
i do admit, that i would take it away if it's the me several years ago..
things happen, but do i change?
i don't know
i don't wanna lie to people so that i'm closer to getting what i want
do i embrace freedom though?
i often obey what people wants, or at least that's what i think
does that make me do not understand freedom?
does it make me do not understand her?
i should respect her
and what she wants
and whatever that makes her happy
instead of wanting what i desire for myself
but it's normal to do things that you want to do
or like what you like
which makes me..

used to like this, used to like that
would this be another 'used to'?
i'm deducting marks for myself for being so indecivise
but hope that she doesnt deduct so many.. hehe =)

Friday, May 18, 2007

Fiona Apple - Never Is A Promise.mp3

can't seem to get it right
what's stopping me
things are not as easy as they seem

to think or not to think?
well i'm thinking right now.. so to think
little things make me happy
little things make me disappointed

i didnt do wad i said that i would do yesterday
wonder if she remembers
its too minor right?

i hope she remembers though

Saturday, May 12, 2007


life has got to move on
and i can't do anything about it
i'm not the saddest person in the world
i should be fine
yet i still like to complain
here goes..

asked her out few times
she said not now
she's not free
doesnt seem so..
or is it that she's not free for me at this moment
asked her if she would go if she's free
'why not?'
but she didnt say yes
'next time..'
or denial through delay?
i would do the same if i were her
if we swap our places

bad habit's reoccuring
should think positively..
at least 'why not?' usually means yes
or maybe she wants to spend a long period of time with me so any time now is inadequate
that's a little too optimistic
well is it that the timing is wrong
or i'm just not the right one
unexplainable facts

wondering what's she doing now..
hope family dinners dont bore her
wanted to talk to her
would do so if she wants to
but does she?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

02 Sick Cycle Carousel.mp3

sometimes i feel like i can mix with anyone
sometimes i feel like i can't really mix with anyone
maybe i think too highly of myself
maybe i demand too much from people
maybe people just give me face and try their best to talk to me
maybe people have their rights of privacy and choose not to tell me everything
and they only do to those who are extremely close to which i'm not
maybe its neither of them
people just dont feel like talking at some moments
or people did told me stuff and i've forgotten about them
come think of it i'm not not talked to, so thanks to everyone to talked to me=)

2 weeks + 1 day has passed
tee hee
but its not like she wanted to let me see also
i know
i am a pervert
but its something i like to do
wonder if i ever get the chance to see her whole day
i know, again its not like she wanted to let me see
or maybe she does?
please do please do please do
face reality
oh wait i dont even know..

raining cats and dogs now
having ocassional thunder strikes
always hoped that my luck would change
looking out the window and remember my past
which wasn't much any story to anybody but to myself
i've finally
changed some
while maintaining some
goals, perceptions, personalities, communication skills, behaviours...
no longer stalking the one i stalked for four and a half years
feel stupid for doing such a fruitless action
feel guilty for not perserving
felt sorry to that her for "perserving-ed"
stalking someone new now
wonder how long is it gonna last
wonder would the results turn out the same
feel sorry for her for stalking her
she reading this?
well hope not..
ironically hope so too..

life's a carousel
at times you reach high
eventually u still have to reach the ground
and the cycle continues
wonder, would i go up or down this time?

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Night Wish - Sleeping Sun 2005.wma

nose dripping water like hell
no its not mucus, just water, maybe its some lowly saturated mucus
feels like i'm gonna die of dehydation
ate some, well quite some stuffs before sleeping
strangely i cant sleep with a filled stomach
thinking of how badly i did in my exams
thinking of what that's written below

still need to learn visual basics
which i dont even know any basics
to my teammates in the group design project, sorry for being so emo

thinking whether to go school tomorrow
to appeal for the scholarship
will go for tryings sake

she's sleeping now right?

i wish to sleep
i should go and try to sleep now
good luck to myself
its four
s l e e p
s l e e p
s l e e p
p l e e s

Rare - The Howling.mp3

results arent good enough to continue my scholarship
screwed but parents didnt screw me as bad as i thought
lost rm3k++ for half a mark for my average
looked moody the whole day
was it that that turned me this way?

when asked why i look so down
at least i got something that i can tell everyone
when i have something that i can't tell everyone

life has to move on
what's done is done
should cut down time spent on games and outings
wonder if i have the discipline to do that

haha at least something
which is almost nothing to everyone else
happened to me
but not extremely happy
cause its rare
and i would be very happy if its common
well it didnt last long though
but its still
she sms-ed me!

two weeks + 1 day
since tomorrow doesnt have class
sigh sigh sigh sigh

Saturday, May 5, 2007


she sighs after he calls
wonder if she sighs when i do

he asks
she answers
she never asks
feels like the people in the same category as me talking

wonder if its lack of interest
or not the right topic
or laziness
or its annoying
or all of the above

naming my blog red sign doesnt work..

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Without You.wma

with my family though..
was a nice trip but with lots of cash spent..
by my mum
ordered two seafood platters and couldnt finish the chips..
guess i should not lecture people for not finishing their food..
and denied watching spiderman3 with family because of JC (some gay fag) who asked me to watch on saturday..

still having diarhoea
being peeing with my butt for three , or maybe four days
sucks to not see solid shit
although it sucks to see shit
and i still eat as if there's nothing wrong with me..
stop me..

nights were spent in front of the computer again
paid for WoW, but still pulled to play DotA..
WoW player asks me to play WoW when i play DotA
DotA players ask me to play DotA when i play WoW
DotA players that i know > WoW players
and even WoW players play DotA
am i wasting cash not playing WoW?
blah don't know hope my bro manages the WoW account..
feel bad for okama for asking him to play but not playing myself so much..
oh wait it wasnt me who asked him to play -.-"
i suggested the idea though..
thought of this risk so i didnt dare to ask myself

tomorrow asked for paintball
yay i have some outdoor activities again
no i don't feel like spending money on that..
to go or not to go??
no idea..
think tomorrow, lazy now

haha finally a non-emo entry
i'm ok right?

miss her though
"nite nite"

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Mudvayne- Happy.mp3

perhaps i've stayed home too long...
today is like a repetition of yesterday..
and tomorrow's gonna be a repetition of tomorrow..
perhaps its going away..
it doesnt seem so to me but it is right?
even if it is or it is not
its no big deal right?
its no big deal right?
its no big deal

life has got to move on..
can't get emotional and stop doing everything else..
realised that i've been a jerk to those i've related to about this issue..
guess i should find happier things to talk about here..

but what?
guess nothing's nice about me
being doing nothing..
cant write about something nice..
wonder what are you doing right now
wonder if you ever 'wondered' about me
wonder who do think of when you are lonely
wonder how happy are you now
wonder what can make you happy
wonder why i cant do that
wonder how would you feel if i were to ask you what are you doing right now
wonder how many times you answered that question to different people
wonder if its correct
wonder how many people asking me to stop wondering
if it makes you happy

does it make you happy?
are you feeling happy?
are you f*cking happy now that i've lost left with nothing?