keep out. it's boring.

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Lazy to copy and paste those rules

here goes
1. I'm pretty. Prettier than YOU. *laughs at reader*
2. I'm good at remembering numbers. 1+1=3. Oops.
3. I'm good at waiting. Likes to wait sometimes.
4. I rap really well. Those songs i know the lyrics, though.
5. I think I'm smart, and i like the fact that people think im stupid.
6. I rock at blink-epi-ing
7. I'm very very humble. haha.
8. ok, this sucks, i'm weird and i'm fat, and mandy is blind to say that i'm thin. GRR!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Fat *Sobs*

i'm growing so fat that one of my pants keep unzipping itself as it cannot contain my belly
i have to go to some place where nobody can see to zip it
and i must not tuck in !
and i still eat like nobody's business and do not do sports..
imma turn into this very fat man who cant fit into the largest size of clothes available in normal clothing stores..

Monday, September 24, 2007


tried to be funny
turned out rather annoying

should i take more risks by keep trying
to improve myself
or should i silence myself to minimize the risks?
to improve myself, too

i can always talk normally..
well, i didnt always talk normally..
my job is making me more and more stupid i guess

should i at least say hi before i say bye
felt so cool saying that, then after awhile, it feels so rude

Thursday, September 20, 2007


Head hurts
my eyes are tired looking at different monitors all day
just when i thought imma repeat the same procedures like everyday
im assigned something different
well, hurray, until i was told what i am going to do..
differentiate colors..
i'm given lotsa round objects, which looks like a button and has two metal layers
one is disc-shaped, surronding another smaller metal button..
they are grey
well at least i thought they are
and if the colors contradict too much, im supposed to put them in the 'rejected' slots
and the colors are grey, slightly slightly dark grey,slightly dark grey, dark grey, and dark grey
then when i change the angle of view, its all black
so here i go
picked a few ones, that i thought its different in color..
but i was unsure about my decision, i asked the one who taught me to confirm whether my choice is correct
turns out only 2/5 'buttons' i picked are supposed to be rejected are not supposed to be rejected
then the others that i didnt pick, he chose around 2 out of 5 buttons to be rejected

me color blind??

he's like 50 years old
im like 30 years younger

my eyes are failing me

i cant see i cant see i cant see im going blind
i cant see i cant see i cant see im going blind

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Time flies the moment you do not want it to
Time stops the moment you do not want it to, too

I'm drifting around the ocean without having a motive
Would I stumble across an island
or would i get caught up in a storm?

i dont have a paddle to determine where am i heading
i dont have a map to see where can i go
but then, its not 'i dont'
its just 'i can get it but i havent'?
or 'i can get it but i lazy'?
so what am i doing?
waiting for the waves to bring me somewhere?

This situation is not hard to go through
nor easy though
time would just go on, as it usually does, not flying, not stopping

well, i can't swim..
would i drown?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Enlightening Wound

sometimes i think
i look down at myself at times
or maybe
i like to say myself a little lousier than i should be
and hoping that people around me to convince me that i'm not
and also hoping to be complimented instead
but rather
there was a time i came across this thought
i'm so hypocritical
i show an expression without confidence
but inside my mind i am waiting to be praised
i wonder if other individual who looks down at himself have the same thought as me
the liking to be consoled, complimented, clarified..

i should not depend on others to build up my confidence
i should have some self-confidence
indepedence and confidence

you should not be so reliant

and since treating people like that is hypocritical
a common reply, from others, would be hypocritical too
and people who suspect my intentions
would probably just ignore

you should not be so reliant
thanks for saying this
i used to be similar to you but as i grow i find this attitude immatured and your old enough so you should stop being like that
thanks for saying this too

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Jermaine Chan

he sucks
he's nude in his room talking to me
he has a very perverted face
his name is NOT hang tze
he loves gay buttsecks
and has a fetish for kids

he rocks tho
he gives me code geass!!
<3 <3

oh dear balmung
im such a fan of you
can i get your autograph?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Redeem, Phase 0.5

i see differences in reactions
i don't know what to feel now
reacted this way by this character
reacted that way by that character
to be silent or to continue talking
to be happy or to be frustrated
to ask or to tell

i dont feel confused though
floating again meaninglessly through life
enjoying the nothingness of going through no big obstacle
but still scratching my head
doubting the wonders of life

talk, or not talk
felt like i've lost my rights to
you were never interested at all at any point
silence is indeed golden
but you never wanted silence
cause silence is lonely..
i can't make you not lonely
rather i make myself lonely
or i made myself lonely
and you are no longer lonely now
guess i should make myself
not lonely

at least
now that i have a clear head
i think...i should
go to bed
at least

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Coincidental Obedience

Why do i listen to him and fall and fall again?
would i fall again?

am i just a toy
a guinea pig
or just
someone he really look up to
someone that would guide me through my life

i'm a freak on a leash
i was one

Thursday, September 6, 2007

loneliness, temporary

i dont have anyone to talk to now
i dont have anything to do in particular
everyone seems busy
or not in a socializing mood
or is it me being too ....
stop this negativity

i don't wanna be so obsessed anymore
every moment we wake up from sleep
our minds are usually blank
mine is indeed
the unexplainable hollowness
tolerable yet hard to live with
do not play dead
i'm just fooling myself by this
life seems to lose its meaning
meaningless, meaningless struggle

Project: Final Struggle never happened
wrong emotion investments
misguided feelings and reactions
i never had a chance
never was close
never, more

no one would listen to the other side of me
wouldn't know how to tell it to someone either
wouldn't wanna tell it to someone

or is it just my pride taking over me
why'd it end up this way again?
i never changed
i thought i did
can i?

you came, you saw, you conquer
i waited, i observed, i watched you conquer

and i wait again, for something, or nothing to happen to me

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


this website and the reader

this is not the end
should it be the end of this blog?
i don't know what to write not writting what i wrote
i don't know what to think not thinking what i thought

i'm done
i'm defeated
i'm finished


need there be a reason?

(yes you suck)

i mean me
that's just a reply
that's just one of the many reasons
no, not again

i am strong
i will be strong
i am weak
i am too weak to have this bother me so much

let me be simple
i'm too simple
too complicated though

lost interest d
gained interest d

let me be forgetful
let me apologize to begin with

wait, wait, wait, thought waited but thought wasted
untold feelings..



can't stand complain
complain too

cry too then

faint bridge
right now bridge


Tuesday, September 4, 2007


as noisy as it gets
this song soothes me..
it's beyond emo
it's sadistic
it's used to prevent my computer in the office from standby-ing so that i don't need to log in with an account since i don't have an account yet
volume's at minimum
wonder if there are any listeners..

pick up my pieces that i've left somewhere
i gotta ....
said it
didnt do it?
or didnt do it yet..

red september
no, green september
pass me
let me embrace
the healing time could do
free me
from my own devouring plague
don't stay on me
like it did
causing unwanted trouble
to myself and others

why do you have both when i have none

paranoia, lust, jealousy
why do i have all when you have none
that's why i dont deserve one?

at least she's happier
at least he's superior
i have no say

i wanna listen to you...

Monday, September 3, 2007


i liked someone before they start until after they break up

i feel sick doing it again

this is just a reminder
just don't do it

Saturday, September 1, 2007


i dont care
falling away from me
i dont wanna care
let nature take its course
tell me something
i say ok
tell me nothing
i say nothing

i dont wanna feel
i dont care if i heal
lets just live the life
in whichever way i want it at the moment that i can think of.....

falling away from me