keep out. it's boring.

Sunday, May 25, 2008



1. i'm depressed. because i just had a fish courdon bleu, a bowl of mushroom soup, a super-cute-mini chocolate cupcake and 3 scoops of ice-cream! Good food never ceased to make me fat! Noooooo~

2. I can't seem to hear very well. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me but i'm slightly deaf by nature. I hate people talking blurly and softly and refuse to repeat. if you were to do that to me, i will definitely take revenge by saying something blurly too, to make you feel what i feel. and i dont have a girlfriend! wuuuuuu~

3. james patterson and butterfly made me write like 'adrenaline'. teo zhi jing made me write like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

4. sometimes i wish i was a girl so i could be a beautiful girl. i like to be a pretty girl and get initiated by boys. hmm, okay, im not gay. but i wanna know how it feels to be stalked by someone the way i stalk someone.

5. i think i'm averagely smart. and yes, im honest yet humble. I'm extremely lazy though. That explains my current body figure.

6. i like lina the most at the moment though. MYMlLevenT is my idol.

7. i was never hugged romantically. i yearn to know what it feels.

8. i almost never buy clothes. i can wear antics or museum collections to public places. i don't think i know how to feel ashamed. The saying, 'changing relationship status like changing clothes' applies to me too. i wonder why i'm always single. sigh.

9. only dota players and a few weirdos know i like purple. when i was small i used to like green, then when i was primary, blue. i know, i'm weird.

10. i melt hearing female operatic/rock-ish voices singing along with heavy riffs and classical instruments. guess that made me a minority favouring bands like Within Temptation, Nightwish, Epica etc. oh the yums~

11. My favourite animes/mangas are death note, code geass and one piece.

12. Cradle of Flith - Nympethatime, Good God - Korn, Mudvayne - Happy are my favourite songs to scream when i'm emo. and suddenly i fell in love with within temptation's all i need & blue eyes, epica's mother of light and leaves' eye's elegy.

13. i guess i can't differientiate love and lust. girls i approach tend to think im perverted. *frowns*

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Energize Me

I seem to not understand any of you. Efforts of trying to are obvious and fruitless. Backing off seems righteous and the only thing to do. I feel like a loser in whatsoever actions i do. In fact, i will be a loser either way. This life is not worth living.

Where is my fear of failing? Where is my inspiration to strife? I hope it is not broken beyond repair. It is just the way it is.

Make me think about it. Make me care. Make me do something. Make me good.
Maybe i should start by deleting my warcraft 3.

Almost everyone's on gear 3. I'm still stuck on gear 1. My engine sucks.

But it's not blown yet. It's not blown.


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Make It Happen

I hope i've gathered enough pieces of myself
to start something.
being doing nothing and hoping for something
will eventually get nothing in return
so, start something.

I don't think i'm motivated or inspired to do it
but hell, i dont care anymore

Sunday, May 11, 2008


If i were to vanish from this world
would it make a difference?
i don't matter to anyone
i don't seem to be a significant role in anyone's life
or is it just that i didnt make myself significant enough.

They seem to be happy
and i can only feel glad that they are happy
and i can't do anything about it
and it doesn't matter with or without me

If i were to matter in this world
would it make a difference with the current state of i'm having now?
is this just a reason to bitch and procastinate?
guess so..
It's never enough.

never mind.