keep out. it's boring.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

fragments, scatter # 2 : death isn't enough to separate us

The wheel of fate is turning.

A few droplet of tears met a piece of paper that spells the name Klanfal Oademe. The liquid ate its way throughout the paper within Rag's hand like condensed hydrochloric acid. But it didn't do any harm to the wretched fingers that belonged to the Grim. Several seconds ago, the very same Klanfal Oademe that the paper meant was waiting on his motorcycle for the traffic light in front of his office to turn green. An efficient employee himself, he was always punctual. Sadly, the truck driver from the left junction didnt share his punctuality. Trying to keep his job, the trucker made a high speed corner to save himself some two minutes because he was already five minutes late. However, his vehicle went out of ccntrol. The container dislocated and rammed through poor Klanfal Oademe's head. His helmet wasn't enough to save his fragile life even for a few seconds after impact. When the Grim decided to kill Klanfal Oademe The Grim never knew who he was, how did he look like, how old was he when he perished, or how he perished. Like every other Grim, Rag just randomly chose this name, or any name, not according to how many sins or deeds he/she did, nor showing any signs of remorse or compassion. The wretched fingers would then fill its emptiness with another paper with another name;this time, a Saedem Aerok, forgetting the murder of Klanfal Oademe he committed just a few five seconds ago. Those same emotionless tears. It vanished the same way. As a result, a 46 year-old man surrendered his life to cancer. Modeas Aerok and Mrs Saedom Aerok who were in his dying bed wept after the doctor pronounced his death. Like a doctor, a Grim's job is to pronounce death. Unlike a doctor, a Grim never document the cause of death. A Grim may be an reincarnation of a previous deity, a human, an animal, a plant, another Grim, or nothing at all. Whichever he was, he has no recollection of his previous life nor any prophecy regarding his futuring life. He wouldn't just spare a Thereza-something because of the possiblity of another Mona Thereza. He wouldn't just save a Adulf-something because of the possiblity of another Adulf Hitta. Afterwards, a Thereza Polos was being erased. An angry client just clubbed a prostitute to death. Next a Edawe Ol Desfo. A beggar died of hunger. Next a Adeis Aloaped. Drowning suicide. Then a Poon Soow Sea. Electric chair, death sentence. And no, Rag never bothered to know how even though someone around them knew, be it punished, suicide, accident, or anything. Like a diligent operator, he worked like a machine, never hindered by the absolute monotony of wetting papers.

Then a Xyren Leverouqe. Rag gave this name a few seconds before deciding to cry on it. It was as if it was calling out for something. A distant memory perhaps? For the very first time, he felt curious although he wasn't supposed to. He was then quickly reminded by the 'punishment' if he lost his focus but an obscure sensation in himself made him wonder for a few more seconds again. He dismissed the interference but the interference relented, saving that paper for a few more seconds, and then it was gone. Before he realised it himself, the same few disintergrating tears escaped his eyes like captives from a prison. He never noticed whether the tears reached the paper but the previous mysterious urge resurfaced causing him to let go of that piece of paper. He wasn't sure if his tears came in contact with the paper. That little sheet danced its way back into the wheel of fate. He didn't cared to track it back though. Subsequently, the wretched fingers reached out to grab a Whart Dogdot, resuming his constant routine of eternity.

Little did the careless Rag knew that only one drop of the tears touched that piece of paper with Xyren Leverouqe's name on it. It vapourized a portion of it but it wasnt not enough to make the words unrecognizable. The semi-damaged and semi-viscous piece of paper then landed on another piece with the name of Blink Cryxalis. And merged with it. And disappeared into the billion pieces of papers with many other names on them that spiralled ceaselessly to look like the galaxy's most expensive confetti.

The wheel of fate kept turning.


A fucking dick. It felt alien but mine as I actually felt it being touched. This had to be a dream. Weirder than the one where I had hair that spanned to the length of my knees. Or the one everyone around me looked like me. Or the one I accidentally entered a beauty pageant for travesties. Oh wait I felt like one now. But it was never so.. surreal. I should be waking up anytime now right? I should be waking up. Wake up. Or maybe, the dream wasn't strange enough to signal goosebumps to my whole body that was gonna make me jump off the bed? Right? Right? Right?

What the fuck. For around ten seconds, i was too dumbfounded to move my hand away from my private part. Monero eyed me in disgust, probably infuriated by my indecent queer-like position. Knowing homophobic him, he must had thought I insulted his pride. His state of confusion hadn't left him though, and he was curious enough to talk to, erm, whom he assumed was Blinkie.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

He was loud but wasn't as loud as he was when he was searching for us. It took a few seconds to register in my mind that I should at least reply him to stop ourselves from staring at each other awkwardly. And I could test out my voice too.

"Enjoying my manhood."

I paid attention to myself as i said it. I actually sound like the-man-who-was-gonna marry-my-corpse, but the feeling of myself producing someone else's (although a boyfriend's) voice is extremely freaky. In hopes of provoking the stupid ex further, I grinned and imagined how retarded I/Blinkie would look because I never had cam-whored-with-grinning-poses with a different face before.

With the left arm shielding his waist and the right one clenched to form a fist, he charged wobbily towards me. His movement was much slower than before that I even had time to notice that Hind was still rolling on the floor and Whart was already shot dead probably during the random fires while struggling with Hind.

"Take this!"

That trademark one-shot punch again. Did he thought that I evaded the previous one out of pure luck? Underestimating people had been his negative trait. Inability to learn too. That hand on the wound had gave away more openings on the other parts of his body. Sorry Honey.

I barely dodged the attack and swiftly jabbed on his Adam's apple, nose, and then his stomach. It did hurt my cracked knuckle a little, but watching the big guy tumble to the floor was worth the pain. His fall was accompanied by profanities and gibberish that made me felt sorry for myself for not being able to hit him hard enough to silence him. But hey, I wasnt using my body. What the fuck. So I've beaten the last boss of this virtual game called dream. Do I get to wake up now?

Maybe Blinkie possessed my body in return and was hiding somewhere molesting it. He could've just asked right? That shy boy. But he's so unbelievably cute sometimes. Heeee. I looked around. There were men who were moaning and groaning like they lost their manhood (one did) and men who died happy cause they were satisfyingly silent for catching a glimpse at a dazzling-magnificent-elegant(not forgetting cute)-gorgeous lady's cleavage before breathing their last breath. I didn't see any prima-donna-super-model-beauty-queen that tried to act like a hero, nor any soul that might give me the slightest hint that it was Blinkie's.

Blink blink.

I just murdered a few people. Did Blinkie end up in one of their bodies or mine and then died? Not that I never killed before, but this was kind of.. scary. Guilt surged into me unconsciously, it had being ages since I had actually felt guilty.

Blink blink blink.

Simple logic, nothing was gonna change no matter how many times I blinked. No corpse was gonna spring back to life and tell me he was Blinkie and then we could start a gay relationship. But a little part of me thought that that would be very romantic. Subsequently that little part of me got me to examine the fallen men to ensure if my perception of romanticism was wrong. Something semi transparent that resembled dark clouds seemed to be coming out from all of the bodies that I had obliterated. Okay. They were gonna turn into horrifying ghosts and scare the living hell out of me and I could wake up and cry to my boyfriend about the weirdest (and coolest) nightmare.

Blink blink blink blink.

Similiar unknown entities hovered around Monero, as if they were helping him to regain his stance. The clouds from the dead formed shapes that looked like themselves. I could recognize the-pivot-head, the-castrated-man, the-useless-jerk, the-failed-gunman and the-professional-batter standing transparently on their own body. Hind was still spinning around, very much alive, screaming his lungs out to 'something's kneeling in front of him, licking (or eating) his wounded leg like vultures feasting on a carcass. The 'something's looked like perverted uncles who died to fatal car accidents or brutal samurai slashes or anti-alien laser beams because none of them had complete human body parts. They would push each other like aunties on a hard sale boutique store for food but none of them seemed to extract any mass from the leg.

What the fuck?

Blink blink blink blink BLINK.

I did NOT wake up. The five vengeful spirits were still admiring how good I look. Stupid ex was almost managing to complete his impossible feat of standing up. Vulture food was still screaming like a vampire bathing in sunlight. My guilty conscience multiplied. Fear manifested. So I ran. Down the stairs. Out from St. Jermane. Out from Rakelash Cliffs. Anywhere but there. Anywhere without them.


My knee joints were in stinging pain, as if they were gonna dislocate from my thighs. I had being sprinting for five minutes. Lactic acid was threatening my legs to give it a stop. Oh great, now I'm stuck in the typical-running-from-ghost nightmare, and this was about time my legs would fail me and the ghosts would come so close to me and they would slash or hack or rape or bite or pinch or suffocate or flog me till I wake up. So I braved myself to turn around (as well as cursing Blinkie's untrained legs) to watch how creative my dream would annihilate me out of the dream-world. Odd enough, they were behind me and the distance between them and me was still the same, even when i stopped running. Regrettably, they looked ugly and so I closed my eyes and imagined Blinkie's face so that I could die with a good looking smile (in a dream).


Wow. My imagination rocks. Hold on to meee!!!! Huh? I could imagine his voice as if I really heard him. I remembered that I was lying down with my hands clinging on to the love of my life, and then i was... unconscious? Was I sleepwalking? On such a time? Did I run like a coward?

What the fuck? Where are you? And why was I guilty anyway, I was saving my boyfriend's ass. I opened my eyes anyway, hoping to see Blinkie in my body which was somewhere around and then it occured to me that the external voice sounded just like him. He should sound like me with my body, right? Wait, was it even, external? It sounded like it was coming from within me. Inside. Nevertheless it boosted my courage to deal with those freaks although I might not have any idea how to do so.

What do you mean? Where are you? Was I hearing her talking to herself that she heard what was i saying in my mind? Why couldn't I see her around? Why am I gasping for breath?

I was hearing him, or should I use 'you' too. Let's see.. if I have still had control over this body.

"Where are you?"

I felt my mouth move but my brains or my reflex never issued any command to speak. Was I being mind controlled? I was pretty sure that I heard Xyren's voice just now, but it didn't seem to be coming from any direction. Did I miss her so much that I started to hallucinate her voice in my head? Or did she poss-#

That made perfect sense now. I just poss-#


me?/him. I was unexplainably happy to hear that uninteresting voice though. As fast as the guilt vanished, the apparitions seemed to be dragged away, to the direction of the lighthouse. Haha. What a sweet dream. Now I could hear the exact thoughts of my man.

Grrr. What you mean by uninteresting? And there were ghosts chasing you? As weird as it seemed, this didn't felt like a dream at all.

Oh no.

Death isn't enough to separate us. You/I said that.

Oh no.

Watch what you said! You/I replied.

Our minds went blank for awhile, trying to dissolve what that had happened to me/us. A few seconds proceeded, I could hear this might be the best or worst dream of my life, what if this isn't a dream?, and what happened to the five stupids?; while I could hear did i just pulled her soul into my body?, Where is her body? What happened to her ex and the gang?

Then we saw silhouttes, scattered around in random spots, some stationary while some mobile, staring at us with the most curious eyes. (of course we can't really see their eyes as they are silhouttes. We judged by the way their faces turn towards me/us.)

You gave me the ability to see ghosts, didn't you?

What the fuck. I didn't know. I still thought this was a dream.

Well, good job for dreaming me into a cemetery.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

fragments, scatter # 1: till death do us part

The moon hung on the cloudless sky like a faceless portrait. It wasn't the brightest nor the roundest of moons that i'd seen before. The dim yellow glow seemed to amplify and deamplify in random frequencies; one moment it looked as if it was brighter than itself seconds ago; then the longer i fixated my eyes on it the brightness waned although it still look the same as before. It was as if my eyes weren't collabrating well with my memory. Enigmatic. But beautiful. And the latter adjective wasn't for the moon. Rather, the moment.

A warm exhale met my cheeks, overpowering the seductive spell the moon had casted on me in terms of temptation. I got lured to notice her examining me like i was examining the moon. Maybe she got bored of gazing the moon and wanted to look at something more interesting. Or maybe she intended to look at how pale i would become from reflecting the moonlight. And tease me about it. Seizing the opportunity, I pressed forward and rubbed my right cheek on her left like how a puppy would do to its mother. Ample friction, maximum tenderness. It made her giggle, struggle, and consequently she slapped me in the chest playfully.

"I hate it when you do that!"

A very insincere protest but a rather painful slap. Xyren is a fighter girl. Like a playable female character of the usual role playing games. Like every other normal girl, she embraces being beautiful, is quite good at it, and is proud of it. She would rather die than have even a slight bruise on her face which would make her feel unpretty. Ironically, unlike every other normal girl, she is, or was, constantly involved in violence that collected her body a significant amount of scars. Nevertheless the harsh environment and family background made her a femme fatale, enabling her face and herself to survive to this very moment now so that she could slap me. Which hurts. I know it wasn't intentional. But i enjoyed it.

"You know, I wouldn't even dare to be here alone. Or even with a group of guys. But I'm different, with you around that is."

One of us (me, actually) suddenly thought that love could conquer all and suggested that we climb to the top of St. Jermane for a moment to remember for the rest of our lives. St. Jermane is an abandoned lighthouse overlooking Rakelash Cliffs which was believed to be haunted though there were no confirmed sightings. Rumours have it that a priest mysteriously commited suicide there by jumping from the lighthouse and his body was nowhere to be found. The superstitous ones speculated that he was sent to sky while everyone else thought the lighthouse was too dangerous so another one was erected, replacing St. Jermane. Thus, the place is usually familiar with the absence of living souls.

"Ha. That's cause I can beat them. Literally. And you better be more than different to make me being around longer!"

Hearing that soothed me as i was doubting myself if bringing her here was right. She gave me the impression that she longed for danger. Or something adrenaline pumping. Doing this feat was still manageable, as for an average joe like me. Sometimes i wondered why she would let me pick. Her previous men were what magazines call real men. Those that can still look good with only underwear. On the other hand, I'm boney. Goody-two-shoes. But i possess face features that can put eighty-five percent of the entire population of girls to shame. Perhaps Xyren's feeling bisexual and but isn't bisexual enough to go for a girl.

"Oh yeah? Just watch. I'll turn longer into forever."

I frighten myself sometimes. We had only being together for two months. As much as it felt wrong to use 'forever', it felt right. I suspected that for a fact from her laughter. And then i knew that for a fact when she leaned on me, as if to reciprocate for the slap just now. Connecting my eyes with her most amazing eyes, she taunted,

"What? Till death do us apart? *giggles* No way!"
"Agreed. Death isn't enough to separate us."

I didn't care if it's too cheesy. I didn't care if there's a possibility that i would regret in the future. Those words seemed to lift up magic in the air. The moon which was our only witness seem to generate an imaginary spotlight on where we were. She stared at me unflinchingly, as if to digest what i just said from my eyes, cheeks, mouth and lips. I returned the favour, with ease.

"Watch what you've said!"

Xyren sounded as if she is trying to hold a laughter. I feel like unleashing it. For better effect, I snapped at her as soon as she finished her sentence, with something overrating monogamy.

"If you die, I'll marry your corpse."

That reply tasered her. For a few seconds her mouth made a hole and it has spasms. Then she realised how retarded she look and how she cannot contain the tickle in her. Her jaws weren't functional for the moment so she used her hand to do the hole covering job. Then she burst. Hysterically. It reminded me that i never use those words on anyone before.

"AHahahAHhahaahahahaHaah, you're funny, in a very fail way."

What I didn't realise was our faces are inching towards each other little by little. Our eyeballs seemed grow in size. We exchanged carbon dioxide from each other's breath as if we needed them to live. It felt like friday, the day before saturday and sunday. Or an appetizier to a sumptous meal. Our noses touch, and that acted as a trigger to close our eyes respectively. Our eyelashes entangled each other and never before entangled hair was so blissful. Our heads tilted to our rights, extremely slowly, embracing every minute action that was happening to ourselves. I wa so ready to feel the moisture of her lips....


So what?

Plenty of them.

So what?

First kisses are more important. The ones after it too. I continued the my mini-conquest for euphoria. Maybe we had a peck or maybe we didn't. Her head retreated to a distance, her eyes opened and it didn't look like the dreamy alluring ones she had just now. Rather, they looked like they belonged to a cat at night. I was furious for a moment for not knowing discretely if we did kiss or not and why would there be people in such a deserted place. Then my frustration turned into fear as i suddenly recalled this place is supposed to be haunted.

"They're here for me, or us. My ex's gang." Okay, one less thing to worry about.

Her ears recognized the footsteps. They sounded like an uncoordinated march. It got louder and closer. The spiralling stairs was the only way up or down from where we were. Encountering them, whoever they are, was inevitable.

"Hide. I'll handle them."

I lost all my masculinity hearing that. Nevertheless it made perfect sense; she's familiar with fighting while i could only beat geeks with maths. However, the drastic change of feelings from deep indulgence to slight disappointment to paranoia rendered my face expressionless. So it did to my body. Xyren squinted her eyes and somehow came up with a remedy to my paralysis.

"You can kiss me all night later. Promise."

Ignoring my ego and trusting her prowess in melees, I took cover behind a ledge near the edge of the platform. She did the same at a different place, though. Several men appeared from the stairs.There were about six to seven of them. Some of them even wielded weapons. It was dark, but not dark enough for me to see a few pistols, a few steel bars, and the rest baseball bats. Did they followed us here? Or did one of them spot us here and informed the rest? It didsn't make any sense as we were here for hours. Or did they wait for a time where they would less likely to attract attention? Xyren was nowhere to be seen. It was as if she vanished. Would she bail out on me? I had to trust her. Anyhow, I could only trust her judging from the situation. I silently cursed myself for not picking up any arts of self defense. And prayed that a miracle like a sudden thunder storm would come and electrocute those weapon wielders. And Xyren's safety, most importantly.

"I know you two are out there. Save us some time and we might consider saving you from a few hits lesser."

That voice came from the biggest guy of the gang. He sounded like a police representative demanding a smaller group of terrorists to surrender. They don't usually work in the movies or in real life though. The threat was then followed by complete silence. I began to worry if the sound of my heartbeat's going to reveal my hiding location.

"I was being nice. Don't you test mah patience sweetiepie. COME OUT!!"

The ledge covering me shuddered. Did i just hear 'sweetiepie'? That six foot five big guy must be the ex she was talking about. I couldn't imagine how would someone like Xyren be called 'sweetiepie' from her behaviour and personality. If I were bigger than him I might run up to him and yell at him get over it but i shall and can only keep that as a fantasy. His, i presume, henchmen, started scanning around the area with flashlights.The top of the lighthouse was small. It wouldn't be long till I'm discovered. I felt guilty for suggesting such a date venue suddenly.

"You can do us a favour by showing yourselves now and maybe we'll spare you a feel blows. But if you are not gon--"

The gust of wind flew past as well as a gunshot seemingly pointed towards the air could be heard. Xyren emerged from the darkness she blended so well with and elbowed one of her previous gang mates on his cheek that broke half of the teeth he owned judging from the momentum. The victim wanted to scream but he was interrupted by a second blow landing on his head. The attacker then glided like a gymnast using the first victim's head like a pivot to plant a dropkick on a second victim. The tip of her high heels struck his groins. Somehow i felt evil and hoped that the impact crushed it because it sounded like it did. An eunuch-like scream escaped his mouth making him a her now for the rest of 'its' life. This one was only holding a baseball bat. Nevertheless the two of them fell flat to the floor. The one with the gun stayed motionless while the one without his balls rolled on floor crying away 'its' manhood. I began to wonder if the spirit of Lara Croft possessed my girlfriend. She disappeared into the darkness again.

The remaining five (I could finally spot the exact numbers of the hooligans) turned towards the direction of the noise. They pointed their lights hoping to find that pretty dangerous girl but thankfully they saw nothing but rusted metal platform with flimsy poles that looked like they weren't maintained for very long. One of them with a gun panicked and decided that he could get lucky by shooting into the darkness blindly. The others resumed their search for her and me. One of them with a metal bar walked towards where I was. He didn't see me, right? He couldn't have. I childishly wished I was really good at playing hide and seek. I stayed as motionless as i could but it didn't deter him from moving closer. I could hear his nervous panting but I think I'm the more nervous one. I wished I could do something about it but my negativity reminded me that I could be a burden to the professional if I thought I was smart. Desperately I wanted to call out "SAVE ME XYREN!" and watch another live action movie but that would reveal where i was and there are no re-takes in real life. Or maybe I could try the elbow trick that i saw just now? Yeah, maybe she could be proud of me too. Maybe.

As if he was anticipating someone coming from any direction where he was now, his footsteps lightened. His breathing gave his location away though. My heart was whispering 'give-up-looking-here-already' to his brain while my brain was trying to remember how artistic my girlfriend knocked down the gunner and imitated her position the best i could. When my heart realised it wasn't built for telepathy, it began to convince me to think that I was King Leonidas for a few seconds.

I sprung out of the metal-rod-holder's nothingness with my almighty elbow that missed his nose by two inches. (I was aiming for the cheek too) I couldn't control the inertia of the swing and it hit the dusty pole that was meant to prevent vertigo. The rusted pole cracked a little while my forearm felt numb because. I didn't miss hitting myself on the nerve. A loud "pang!" was apparent. My doom too. I assumed everyone knew where to look for me now. He laughed at my failed attempt to fight back and my sorry face. What were they gonna do to me?

Clag.Clag.Clag.Clag.Swift high heel footsteps. The two with guns heard it too and fired random shots at where they assumed the sound was coming from. Thankfully they had horrible accuracy. I assumed that though, from the temporary silence after a few blank shots.One 'clag' replaced the silence and then it was followed by two 'clangs'. Before anyone saw anything Xyren somersaulted her way to their top while being close enough to steal one of the pistols like an acrobat performing the baton passing stunt. Everyone else who were conscious widened their eyes trying to differentiate if the flying person was Xyren or Jackie Chan. Deep inside my heart, the world's smallest band was playing its cresendo to match the excitement from merely watching what just happened. An urge to cheer for her came and was gone as soon as i remembered there was a guy with a weapon in front of me. Like me, he was utterly shocked too as proven by not changing the same posture he had a few seconds ago. Taking that chance, I pushed him away not knowing what would that do to keep myself safe.

"Holy crap" One of the men exclaimed.

While airborne, Xyren managed to flip the pistol to face the targets. The remaining guy with the gun woke up to his senses and returned fire as if he was defending himself. Neither of them were avid sharpshooters and bullets flew in all the harmless directions. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. To my horror, the landing trajectory of that jump seemed to end at the pole I mistakenly damaged just now. She was gonna fall.

I shouldn't have tried to be smart.

Her heels tapped at the where i estimated it. The failing pole crumbled to her weight. However, her killing intend wasn't replaced by her will to survive. If I were her I would've let go of the gun and reach out for my hands which were trying to save her life. Instead, she continued firing. A few bullets greased through my hair and it stopped the gunfire coming from the other direction and orchestraed the screams of a few dying men. Finally she realised she promised to let me kiss all night later. Maybe I shouldn't have underestimated her agility because her left hand reached out for mine. I felt the grip although gravity was never forgiving. I realised her right hand was still holding on to the weapon and it sort of disappointed me. Either she was hiding it really well or she looked totally calm and that kind of scared me too.

"How very romantic.."

Shit. Should've worked out more and I could've pull Xyren up. Xyren wasn't heavy but my hands were weak. My hands felt like it was going to separate from my body but I believed in my happy ending. Suddenly I thought of myself declaring death isn't enough to separate us moments ago and now this was so going to be so my fault. The crack on the pole. We were so gonna kiss. The way she taunted me. My crude jokes followed by her laughter. The bicycle ride together. Cheating in exams with a stranger. The way she convinced me to go somewhere she desired. Her 'this is the first time i...' to me. My pathetic inability to carry her up..... and finally the optimistic strength of every bit of my body and soul... to ensure my own happiness.

Little did i notice somebody's shadow, and then above that shadow was the shadow of a metal rod. Her reacting right hand made me realise that fact. My anger of her recklessness that i assumed faded. I chose to ignore the possible pain and focused on lifting her.. I didn't care if i misplaced her and she might miss the shot.

I cannot lose you...

Click. Click click click.

Out of ammo?

A roaring thud on my back. The pain was intense. But it must be bearable. I anticipated a few more coming. Or maybe a lot more. I mentally disciplined myself to hold her tighter upon receiving every hit. Tears began to drip uncontrollably that got me to hate myself more to suspect the fact that I was a man who couldn't tolerate physical pain. I won't give up on you, Xyren. It will be worthwhile. It will be worthwhile. It will be.....


Along came a blow that sent stars and fog to my vision. Xyr- Everything blacked out.


"You fucking bastard!"

The leader of the gang, Monero held Whart, the metal rod wielder by his collar so close to himself he could smell his halitosis breath. Whart was always the troublemaker, the coward, the one who talked the loudest only when he knew he was on the winning side. He was sadistic, and always dreamt of being the alpha although he was never being very competent at even the easiest of jobs. Originally Monero had him in the pack just so if shit happens he would be the scapegoat. And originally Monero just wanted to mutilate Blink so Xyren would realise how powerless and useless Blink was around her. He had wanted Xyren back himself. Ironically, his stupidity never thought that bringing people with weapons like guns would result in what that had happened now.

Whart was the shadow over Blink. He was the one who said How very romantic. And the one barraging the helpless guy with a weapon that he was never good at using. Not that he was good at anything anyway. The short-lived feeling of sadistic truimph had been forgotten when his eyes met Monero's. He wanted to flee but fear had sprouted him to the where he was. He wanted to say that he was sorry but he knew it takes more than sorry to rectifiy what he just did. One moment he was laughing hysterically. Now he was crying, even before any pain was inflicted on him.

"You saw that bitch.. She was crazy."
"And so you hit the guy?"
"I. I-"

Before he realised it he was eating up his own words. Another member of the gang, Hind, the third and last survivor from the sky dive bullet shower spoke and it seemed to distract Monero from killing Whart a few minutes earlier. A bullet lodged into his right feet. He somehow felt lucky to be alive although he felt stupid for following someone like Monero just because he was his childhood friend.

"What are you going to do about that pretty boy?"

He was mending himself with the first aid knowledge he got from high school. Monero had always respected Hind and considered him as if he was a brother. But the big guy was fuming mad at the 'scapegoat' he almost ignored his 'brother'. Luckily, for Whart, he didn't. It was a long silence until he muttered,

"Dispose of his body."
"Dead or alive?"

Gathering the remaining bit of energy, Hind got up and limped towards the now unconscious Blink. Monero hadn't answered. He pointed his gun at that pretty head, waiting for an answer from the leader. Monero was never this indecisive, he thought to himself.


I lovee yewwwwwwwww!!

What the fuck? Did I just declared 'I-love-you' instead of 'save-my-life' when I knew I was going to die? Must've been watching too many movies. Wait. Did I just, fall? I didn't remember falling. Was this heaven? If it was then the ground i was on now sure felt like the floor we were leaning on just now. He pulled me up right? I remembered myself being sucked up by a force. But I remembered our fingers disconnected so did every nerve connected to my brain. I remembered yelling out his name with the maximum capability of my lungs. But the i-love-you I wanted to say so much didn't make it. I seemed to lose control and sensation of my throat, my mouth and my lungs. Did I scared myself to death?

Yeah that must had be a dream. My stupid ex came up to carry out the promise I didn't let him make. Then I singled handedly fought them off but died a heroine. I even somersaulted and fire rounds mid-air. Blinkie must've being so proud of me if he happened to see that. Heehee. Maybe I could show him that someday in real life. Oh wait. Did i just fall asleep in his arms? Not my fault okay. Blame his cushion-like arms. He must've being really mad at me now if I really did doze off. We even promised to kiss. Did we? Or was in or out of the dream? When did I start dozing off?

Wait. If i were asleep, why was i here lying on the floor, face down but not on his shoulder?
Yeah, I was gonna wake up anytime soon. It felt like worse hangover I had ever had. I didn't remember any recent alcohol intakes. My back and head ached like it had multiple blunt traumas. Suddenly I remembered, in that dream, Blinkie was holding on to a falling me so tightly while enduring beatings from that useless jerk Whart. I saw his perserverance and that suck-it-up expression and, for the first time in my life, was touched by man to the extend i shed tears. In a dream. Oh, my cheeks were wet. Did I just cried in the dream? Maybe that was why he left me at the floor.

"*blur*pose of is bod*blur*"

What the fuck? That voice bore an uncanny resemblance with my stupid ex's. Was Blinkie trying to imitate it? He sure did a good job. Wait. I never even told him that moron's name! Nevertheless this incident recovered my sense of hearing.

"dead or alive?"

Hind? Okay. This wasn't a dream. Maybe I was unconscious for awhile. Suddenly I worried about Blinkie's safety and hoped I wasn't unconscious for too long. Guiltiness surged into me but it was immediately replaced by adrenaline when I felt a recently fired Glock pointed at my head. A few strands of hair seared to the heat residue of the gun. I didn't remember having such short hair.

Hind was never this careless, I thought to myself. He knew the disarming trick my hand could do, right? Judging from the direction of barrel, the Glock must be right above my wrist. Seizing the precious opportunity, I wrestled the gun out of his hand into mine.

What the fuck? My motions were less fluid. Maybe Hind was being cautious all the while. Or that I got clumsier. I could do it faster three months ago.


Another few rounds were fired randomly due to a struggling Hind. What the fuck? I could out-wrestle him three months ago, too. And now he had the chance of overpowering me. Did I mellowed down ever since I was with Blinkie? Maybe that was the price i had to pay. Was it worthwhile?

Eh. I remembered I just somersaulted moments ago. I didn't believe that my fighting skills were rusted. Did I bruised his manly ego back in the days that he decided to work out more for today? Oh. I just somersaulted and shot him in the leg moments ago. Lucky bastard who survived. Not anymore.

"They should teach you a lesson that revenge is never sweet-"

In some ways I respected this man. But it takes more than respect for me to take such a dishonorable advantage - blame survival instinct. I stomped at his wound with my Jimmy Choos and hoped the pain would incapacitate him enough to move on the next threat.

The attacking sensation was strange - I felt the pressure of my whole feet instead of the supposed pressure only on my heels - and realised I was wearing Nike Air that didn't belong to me. It looked very familiar though. Blinkie's?

Unable to bear the pain, Hind collapsed to the floor and tried his best not to scream but failed. A running stupid ex subsituted for his fallen comrade's position and attempted to land a punch on my face. It was his trademark one-shot-punch or so he called it, I knew exactly how to avoid it but my reflexes seemed slower. Blaming Blinkie again. It didn't critically hit me but the sheer force of the punch and the shockwave made me fell flat to the floor. I was alive enough to feel happy about breaking up with this stupid. At least, if you wanted to kill me, do it in other ways but please don't disfigure my face. Although Moreno was stupid in many ways, he was the best guy I had ever met in bed. I could never find another bull to ride me like that. Not a chance with Blinkie. But that bull came with a catch, his left waist was his forbidden zone. He said it would hurt even upon contact and that he always had to sleep with the right side of his body on the bottom. Never thought that kind of information would come in handy. Half laying on floor, I ran a fist onto his weakness. I was in disbelief when I thought I heard my knuckle crack. Due to the spot on impact, he submitted momentarily but was still strong enough to stand up.

"That bitch told you that?"

Huh? Was 'bitch' addressing himself? I lifted myself up. I realised I was panting. It was been awhile since I've actually ran out of breath like that. Wait a minute. Something was missing. I was fairly sure that what I did just now WASN'T enough to tire me. Moreover, even if i pant, why did my chest felt, lighter? Did my boobs suddenly fall off? Out of nowhere an unlikely hypothesis occured to me. No way this was happening. Doubting how impossible my hypothesis was, my left hand reached to feel what that was in between my legs.

The Nike Air instead of the Jimmy Choos. The cracking of the knuckle. Moreno's "that bitch told you that". Hind's something-something-about-revenge. The panting. The pressumed rust of skills. The pain in the head and back.

A dick.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

fragments, scatter # 0


you've witnessed the fragments of my memory, now behold, the fragments of my imagination.


yes i knew it is very amateur-ish. i can spot grammar mistakes every now and then. my range of vocab is very very limited. my knowledge regarding the topics i wanted to talk about is limited too. Sigh. I optimistically hope readers enjoy it enough to critic, if there is even any. And also if any of you understood what i was writing.

my real life has gotten slightly busier in terms of work. And i think i need to read more to write properly. unlike now =(

also, I wonder if i could commit to fragments, scatter. Any tips, frequent novel readers?

and erm. I'm not Blink. Siren is not Xyren.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

fragments, gather

Dear Siren,
I would be grateful if you actually take the least bit of your time to read any of the feather fragments. I would be even more grateful if you actually visit this page again with your own initiative, although i know it would be less likely. Anyhow, if you happen to do so, here's the table of content for everything, for your convenience's sake.

feather fragments #1: re-know
feather fragments #2: twilight memory
feather fragments #3: the minor spark of light
feather fragments #4: goodnightandsweetdreams#1
feather fragments #5: goodnightandsweetdreams#2
feather fragments #6: goodnightandsweetdreams#3&4
feather fragments #7: January
feather fragments #8: zero is zero and nothing but zero
feather fragments #9: oh sorry i dont remember
feather fragments #10: my song echoes from the deeps
feather fragments #11: anxiety
feather fragments #12: attunement
feather fragments #13: February
feather fragments #14: February*
feather fragments #15: tenth star
feather fragments #16: typical rarity
feather fragments #17: angels*
feather fragments #18: mandate
feather fragments #19: pinch me
feather fragments #20: turning point*
feather fragments #21: disconnect
feather fragments #22: rend
feather fragments #23: the professional refresher
feather fragments #24: taint
feather fragments #25: epic fail
feather fragments #26: Scorpio*
feather fragments #27: don't keep promises you can't make

(*- uhm, highlights? lol)

Thank you for making me feel feelings i have never felt before. I was never being this happy, although it was short-lived.

Yours Sincerely, (够诚意了嗎?)