feather fragments # 21: disconnect

i woke up to what i presumed the longest day of my life - the first day after she left. That was only when i realised my horrendous mistake about not getting her phone number. Immaturely i thought if she missed me enough she would've called.

Which she never did till now. Not even once.

Maybe she was busy settling down. Before she left, she told me that she havent found a place to stay and had to dwell in a hotel with her parents momentarily. And she was carrying quite a number of things, not to mention the documentation process of her universities and courses. Probably busy right?

Yeah. Probably.

I found myself missing her so much i kept browsing through the pictures we've taken yesterday. Even though nobody was around me, i was somehow shy and scanned through the pictures as soon as possible hoping no one would catch me ogling the pictures. My paranoia told me somebody's gonna appear out of nowhere and that was so convincing i hastily reverted to the main menu and dropped the phone out of my hand but on somewhere safe.

The pervert in me was not satisfied.

My stupidity regenerated some courage enough for me to grab my phone again. Pressed the same buttons in the same sequence in a slower pace. I found myself staring. Into that refreshing smile of hers. Which was the only picture of herself only that she let me keep. Again, my paranoia kicked in causing the same actions to be repeated. Don't worry the landing ground was the bed.

The pervert in me was still not satisfied.

Yeah, same boring actions again. But each time i did it, it gradually increased my bravery. Hence I wasted 15 minues of time which could be more benefical if you used it to pee or poop. Unknowningly my enhanced bravery also boosted my impatience.

The pervert in me had a brilliantly perverse idea.

I made that picture my phone's display picture. To save the energy to moronically repeat the same buttons just to catch a glimpse of her and then it's gone. I smiled to myself as if i won a bet. And complimented myself silently because doing that would turn all other girls off naturally. So even if i somehow slipped and asked a girl for her number, this would be my saving grace. The moment of truimph didn't last long though.

The pervert in me felt guilty suddenly.

I needed to somehow indicate to her how much i miss her. Even by crude means. Something is better than nothing. At least when we came in contact some time in the future i had something to save my ass from my assumed (non-existant) wrath of hers. I typed her a semi lengthy facebook message, which includes telling her about displaying her picture as my wallpaper of my handphone. Then,

The pervert in me kept refreshing the facebook page.

Even there were no signs of her being online. My phone was then jealous of the keyboard because i spent more time pressing f5 on the facebook page hoping the message numbers received was increased by one. It was the most monotonous but exciting thing i had ever done. She would happily reply when she saw that right?

Yeah, probably.

My friends were persuading me to play WorldofWarcraft but i strongly opposed their attempts. However, i was having second thoughts after some illogical reasoning. The in-game long travel times enabled me to constantly refresh my facebook page. Moreover, it was gonna damage my real life social circle, meaning less chances to meet girls. I never saw this day coming due to my bad experience with the game but the future is too unpredictable. And if something bad happens i can fully indulge in the game to maintain my emotional stability.

As if it worked.

The day ended.

She called me back to scold me for not getting her number when she returned.

But it was all a dream. No facebook replies. No phone calls. Oh, it's tomorrow.