Public Monologue

For this very moment
i feel like locking myself up in a room and not talk to anybody
and enjoy things myself
i wanna lie on the bed
and look at the ceiling
and do nothing

i'm slightly tired i think
not physically
nor in a way that i can describe
i hereby apologize to the victims of the antisocial me
whether you see it or not
whether you feel it or not

i just came back from KL two days ago. I'm going Thailand later.
i had fun. i must say. thanks.

Neutralise

i almost cried pride.
i dont know.
i deserved to be laughed at.
why are you trying to make fun of me?
you think its funny what the fuck you think its doing to me?

i've poured enough alkaline to neutralize the acid
did i pour too much?
i felt like i did.

i think i've gathered enough strength to make another step again.
and i should look at where am i going.
so i wont fall. again.

Prisoner

i'm feeling this social prison
i wanna blame it on my luck to make me feel better
as i said
i fell
and i shouldn't try to climb back up so soon
until recovery
else i'll keep falling again with my flimsy feet.

undecided title. unfinished report. untouched logbook.
nobody beats me being a pro-procrastinator
i never was a practitioner
what am i?

One-Sided

i climbed just to fall again
i've lost my patience and fell harder
i've lingered, too long
i knew why it is said that way
yet i questioned knowing i wouldn't get a reply
i should learn when to admit defeat and stop causing anymore damage
and also to appreciate the very little that's given to me
it wouldn't be this way if i werent so greedy right?

this is so my fault.
how do i put in effort, if i'm not given the chance?
or was i given and i missed it?
i'm so losing my confidence

and nothing i can do about it
when it is so one-sided

Compelled

Question: do i feel sick?
i've being trying too little too many to make myself not sick

sometimes i thought i'm no longer sick
occasionally i thought i'm infected with another sickness that i thought i'm immune to
a few times i got carried away and i don't feel sick
seems like im fighting fire with fire
but just to get myself burnt

sometimes this, sometimes that
would i fall away from responsibility in the future?
however you can't blame me for this
nobody assured me anything

Stuck

Now i don't know what to blame
i'm just like every other typical person
i should behave like one.

i'm stranded in the middle of nowhere
i don't feel particularly bad
i don't feel good either
i like it this way though

i'm not special and i do not deserve special treatment

just stuck, hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own