Sultan Sultan. Never thought that you would so much of a help even though i wanted to murder you for a few seconds. I'm very easy to be influenced and gullible, i don't know to thank you or hate you for now.
I remembered that invitation. Siren never asked me again about it. Maybe it was my reaction that she thought i have no interest. Or maybe she never invited cordially. But Sultan remembered. I've told him once and later on he kept pestering me about going to the performance. Also, he said it's his interest to watch classical live shows. So i gave in. Asked Siren the details, venue, time, date of the performance.
Towards thursday i suddenly received a message from her. That never happened before. It means bad news. I'm a professional at getting rejected. I'd suspect it's either to tell me off, but she was trying to tell me she's sick again, and there's a possibility she might not sing that day. I didnt saw that message till awhile later, and there's a second message, i go take injection from doctor later. Huh?
So i did what a regular fly would do - call her and show her some concern. She didnt even sound like she could properly talk. At this point i found myself being lower than an average pervert because i ran out of things to say fast, and ending the conversation with the excuse, 'ok maybe you shouldn't talk so much to not hurt your throat.' I almost had a nervous breakdown from my lousiness.
The following day she told me she visited the doctor and the doctor told her that the injection wouldn't do her any good and it's also damaging, long term. However, the lineup of the performance is out and she had to do it. Whether it's a failure or not i dont know but i found myself saying things i usually don't, ' i'll be there to support you morally and see your showmanship.' (wasn't the exact words i remembered it from raw memory)
I don't remember if she replied that message or not. She didn't if i'm not mistaken.
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It was going to be Valentines. Toby suggested that i give Siren some flowers on that day. To be honest, i didn't had that thought before he suggested. Well, it was the same time that i was still rational and hesitant to go to the concert. Anyway, the ultimate decision is mine and i've decided on something, so it means something, no? Should i learn to make up my mind quicker next time? Based on what should i decide on something? I'm not given a full description of every options, i have to find out myself.
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7th February. Had lunch with Sultan. Then i ordered flowers somewhere near Siren's house. Then went to her house to get the tickets for the concert. She was in heavy make-up. Then i went home to change for a visit to our senior colleague's house, as it was still within the 15 days of CNY. But they recommended that i change if i were to meet her later, because i was wearing the only overly loose red shirt i have. I wanted to wear that color because i recalled that she liked deep red the most. (this fact is unnecessary and insignificant, sorry) Sultan was me with all the while.
Thinking about her bad condition of her throat, i bought some strepsils, like on the very last minute.
We made our way to the auditorium, and to our horror, almost every audience there were aged on the two very far ends. Most of them consists of families that the moms and dads were at least above 40. Their kids aged when they can achieve orgasm by running around and screaming with no particular reason. I felt so out of place. Siren was nowhere in sight. I would suffer another nervous breakdown again if i didn't bring a wingman.
The usher greeted and thanked us for showing up and appreciating such kind of music. Since we were like the outcast there my paranoia tells me the usher was thinking that i'm there for someone rather than what he said. Whatever. We found ourselves a place to sit. There were girls, dressed with eye-catching traditional cheongsams walking around the area. I assume they were going to perform. Siren was still nowhere to be seen. Busy with her wardrobe i guess. I thought i saw her sister though, not very sure, but that assured me to not worry unnecessarily.
I called her to tell her of our arrival and asked her to let me see for awhile so my RM2.60 of strepsils won't go to waste. She appeared, but remained stationary in her partition and i had to walk to her for a chance to talk to her. How mean. Now i'm obviously a pervert to the audiences. I wished her good luck and not to force herself too hard. Then i handed her the little white packet of chemical candies. She took it, without hesitating, smiled, turned around into the dressing area, and i felt like i had amnesia because i don't remember a thank you. Nevertheless i jumped for joy that she took it for granted spontaneously. I don't care if i'm lying to myself because i felt that her smile was genuine. The walk back to the seat was different from the walk towards her. It's like i was so panicky and uncertain at first while later, i was so basked in a self-induced feeling of achievement. I imagined all the old people on the seats were eyeing me with envy and all the kids were wondering to tease me or not because they would if they knew me. (Note that the last part is just delusional.)
We were provided with song lists that states the singer's name and the song name but i didnt bother to look at it. I'm afraid that if i knew when would she be coming out i wouldn't pay attention to the rest of the show. However, i thought that she might ask me who sung well relatively so i gave my best in trying to listen to the whole concert. I found my concentration level strange because i was actually paying attention to singers, even if they were not her.
Siren did two songs by herself, one with a duet and two with the whole group. It's either i'm gullible or my eyes are playing tricks on me, because Sultan told me that she looked at her parents, and then at me the most while performing, and i believed him partially. Unconvinced, i looked at the other singers during the finale, and i still managed to lie to myself that what he said is true because i felt, comparatively, that their line of sight weren't as biased as Siren's.
Before the finale they announced that Siren's sister would be getting engaged and they would be registering the knot as soon as Monday in KL.
Her last song was mindblowingly fabulous considering her condition of her throat. Sad thing is that i can't really tell the difference between that being bad and when she was doing it in good condition because my heart suffered a total major meltdown even though she said it's one of her bad days. She was as if, imitating the sound of some bird because i remember long stretches of kuka-s with melismatic note changes, all in one breath. ( pardon my stupidity)
When the show is over, they had this small photo session. She came to me and asked me about how good was the performance. I looked at her and smiled without saying anything too. Then she asked me if just went to yingchou her. (give her face) Same response from me. I asked her would she be free tomorrow, she replied probably. Lastly, we took a few photographs together on the stage. I never saw those pictures though. Even until now.
After the event i replied her the two questions via sms. You sing real good and its up to you to believe or not but im not just yingchou-ing you. She never replied.
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I felt sheer pleasure. Like never in such a long time. Sultan told me that if i were to go for her, it would start with a wait if i happen to succeed. I firmly said i could wait, if it's worth it. He said he couldn't if he were me. I see too little of the whole picture.
tbc..
keep out. it's boring.
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