feather fragments # 8: zero is zero and nothing but zero

Spent quite some time thinking how to write this part. This is actually a non-meeting part.
Dates from the day after her birthday and a few days after new year.

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Siren never even thanked me for the gift. Maybe she hated it. But at least Akasha did showed some gratitude . Nevertheless prevention is better.

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I persisted. Maybe at that time i was just trying my luck. To ask her out. She agreed, but told me she would only be free after 20th of January. That's two weeks gone, out of the one and half month remaining that she would be here. She told me that she's busy with something, its not a secret, but she chose to keep it to herself. Things that interest me usually make me curious but this time i wont let that give away the chance of meeting her. Till today, i still wonder what that is. Because at that time, i was this absolutely naive and moronically stupid guy to think that she restricted herself from meeting another guy after breaking up with her ex for a year and 20th of January was the time. Yes, this is pathetically irrational but then again i lie to myself a lot with incredibly creative and superstitious beliefs.

One of the saturday nights in between that period i remember that i tried to reenact another goodnightnsweetdreams but to no avail. She wasnt all ignorant though, just replying my questions and asked questions limitedly only.

Maybe she was busy preparing for some vocal competition. Maybe she was the judge for some junior singing contest. Maybe she's spending time composing something for her group/parents/own liking etc. I dont know. I wondered a lot, but disciplined myself not to ask. I owned Pandora.

It was January 19th. No word from her. So i did what a persistent pervert would do again - sms her asking regarding about the promised meeting after 20th. Apparently she was in genting, with her family. Originally i thought she was doing some performance there, but i was wrong but that doesnt matter anyway. She said she'll be back at the 23th. Meaning Friday of that week. Meaning Chinese New Year Eve. Meaning we, separately respectively will be spending our times with our families. I wonder if it was intentional. But that'll make me wait a bit longer, i foresaw.

And i was right. But she was wrong, about the date she came back. She onlined at the 22nd. I think we both remembered what I've requested, but acted as if nothing happen and go on with 'ohhowwasgenting-didyougamble-orgoforthethemeparks-hi-blah-blah-etc-etc-bye' type of conversation.

Bad signs. Evident from my January posts. Went through CNY with empty hopes. I was on the verge of giving up again. Ah, it was so easy back then. Should still be easy, no?

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I persisted. The result was on February 2nd.

tbc...