fragments, scatter # 1: till death do us part

The moon hung on the cloudless sky like a faceless portrait. It wasn't the brightest nor the roundest of moons that i'd seen before. The dim yellow glow seemed to amplify and deamplify in random frequencies; one moment it looked as if it was brighter than itself seconds ago; then the longer i fixated my eyes on it the brightness waned although it still look the same as before. It was as if my eyes weren't collabrating well with my memory. Enigmatic. But beautiful. And the latter adjective wasn't for the moon. Rather, the moment.

A warm exhale met my cheeks, overpowering the seductive spell the moon had casted on me in terms of temptation. I got lured to notice her examining me like i was examining the moon. Maybe she got bored of gazing the moon and wanted to look at something more interesting. Or maybe she intended to look at how pale i would become from reflecting the moonlight. And tease me about it. Seizing the opportunity, I pressed forward and rubbed my right cheek on her left like how a puppy would do to its mother. Ample friction, maximum tenderness. It made her giggle, struggle, and consequently she slapped me in the chest playfully.

"I hate it when you do that!"

A very insincere protest but a rather painful slap. Xyren is a fighter girl. Like a playable female character of the usual role playing games. Like every other normal girl, she embraces being beautiful, is quite good at it, and is proud of it. She would rather die than have even a slight bruise on her face which would make her feel unpretty. Ironically, unlike every other normal girl, she is, or was, constantly involved in violence that collected her body a significant amount of scars. Nevertheless the harsh environment and family background made her a femme fatale, enabling her face and herself to survive to this very moment now so that she could slap me. Which hurts. I know it wasn't intentional. But i enjoyed it.

"You know, I wouldn't even dare to be here alone. Or even with a group of guys. But I'm different, with you around that is."

One of us (me, actually) suddenly thought that love could conquer all and suggested that we climb to the top of St. Jermane for a moment to remember for the rest of our lives. St. Jermane is an abandoned lighthouse overlooking Rakelash Cliffs which was believed to be haunted though there were no confirmed sightings. Rumours have it that a priest mysteriously commited suicide there by jumping from the lighthouse and his body was nowhere to be found. The superstitous ones speculated that he was sent to sky while everyone else thought the lighthouse was too dangerous so another one was erected, replacing St. Jermane. Thus, the place is usually familiar with the absence of living souls.

"Ha. That's cause I can beat them. Literally. And you better be more than different to make me being around longer!"

Hearing that soothed me as i was doubting myself if bringing her here was right. She gave me the impression that she longed for danger. Or something adrenaline pumping. Doing this feat was still manageable, as for an average joe like me. Sometimes i wondered why she would let me pick. Her previous men were what magazines call real men. Those that can still look good with only underwear. On the other hand, I'm boney. Goody-two-shoes. But i possess face features that can put eighty-five percent of the entire population of girls to shame. Perhaps Xyren's feeling bisexual and but isn't bisexual enough to go for a girl.

"Oh yeah? Just watch. I'll turn longer into forever."

I frighten myself sometimes. We had only being together for two months. As much as it felt wrong to use 'forever', it felt right. I suspected that for a fact from her laughter. And then i knew that for a fact when she leaned on me, as if to reciprocate for the slap just now. Connecting my eyes with her most amazing eyes, she taunted,

"What? Till death do us apart? *giggles* No way!"
"Agreed. Death isn't enough to separate us."

I didn't care if it's too cheesy. I didn't care if there's a possibility that i would regret in the future. Those words seemed to lift up magic in the air. The moon which was our only witness seem to generate an imaginary spotlight on where we were. She stared at me unflinchingly, as if to digest what i just said from my eyes, cheeks, mouth and lips. I returned the favour, with ease.

"Watch what you've said!"

Xyren sounded as if she is trying to hold a laughter. I feel like unleashing it. For better effect, I snapped at her as soon as she finished her sentence, with something overrating monogamy.

"If you die, I'll marry your corpse."

That reply tasered her. For a few seconds her mouth made a hole and it has spasms. Then she realised how retarded she look and how she cannot contain the tickle in her. Her jaws weren't functional for the moment so she used her hand to do the hole covering job. Then she burst. Hysterically. It reminded me that i never use those words on anyone before.

"AHahahAHhahaahahahaHaah, you're funny, in a very fail way."

What I didn't realise was our faces are inching towards each other little by little. Our eyeballs seemed grow in size. We exchanged carbon dioxide from each other's breath as if we needed them to live. It felt like friday, the day before saturday and sunday. Or an appetizier to a sumptous meal. Our noses touch, and that acted as a trigger to close our eyes respectively. Our eyelashes entangled each other and never before entangled hair was so blissful. Our heads tilted to our rights, extremely slowly, embracing every minute action that was happening to ourselves. I wa so ready to feel the moisture of her lips....

Footsteps.

So what?

Plenty of them.

So what?

First kisses are more important. The ones after it too. I continued the my mini-conquest for euphoria. Maybe we had a peck or maybe we didn't. Her head retreated to a distance, her eyes opened and it didn't look like the dreamy alluring ones she had just now. Rather, they looked like they belonged to a cat at night. I was furious for a moment for not knowing discretely if we did kiss or not and why would there be people in such a deserted place. Then my frustration turned into fear as i suddenly recalled this place is supposed to be haunted.

"They're here for me, or us. My ex's gang." Okay, one less thing to worry about.

Her ears recognized the footsteps. They sounded like an uncoordinated march. It got louder and closer. The spiralling stairs was the only way up or down from where we were. Encountering them, whoever they are, was inevitable.

"Hide. I'll handle them."

I lost all my masculinity hearing that. Nevertheless it made perfect sense; she's familiar with fighting while i could only beat geeks with maths. However, the drastic change of feelings from deep indulgence to slight disappointment to paranoia rendered my face expressionless. So it did to my body. Xyren squinted her eyes and somehow came up with a remedy to my paralysis.

"You can kiss me all night later. Promise."

Ignoring my ego and trusting her prowess in melees, I took cover behind a ledge near the edge of the platform. She did the same at a different place, though. Several men appeared from the stairs.There were about six to seven of them. Some of them even wielded weapons. It was dark, but not dark enough for me to see a few pistols, a few steel bars, and the rest baseball bats. Did they followed us here? Or did one of them spot us here and informed the rest? It didsn't make any sense as we were here for hours. Or did they wait for a time where they would less likely to attract attention? Xyren was nowhere to be seen. It was as if she vanished. Would she bail out on me? I had to trust her. Anyhow, I could only trust her judging from the situation. I silently cursed myself for not picking up any arts of self defense. And prayed that a miracle like a sudden thunder storm would come and electrocute those weapon wielders. And Xyren's safety, most importantly.

"I know you two are out there. Save us some time and we might consider saving you from a few hits lesser."

That voice came from the biggest guy of the gang. He sounded like a police representative demanding a smaller group of terrorists to surrender. They don't usually work in the movies or in real life though. The threat was then followed by complete silence. I began to worry if the sound of my heartbeat's going to reveal my hiding location.

"I was being nice. Don't you test mah patience sweetiepie. COME OUT!!"

The ledge covering me shuddered. Did i just hear 'sweetiepie'? That six foot five big guy must be the ex she was talking about. I couldn't imagine how would someone like Xyren be called 'sweetiepie' from her behaviour and personality. If I were bigger than him I might run up to him and yell at him get over it but i shall and can only keep that as a fantasy. His, i presume, henchmen, started scanning around the area with flashlights.The top of the lighthouse was small. It wouldn't be long till I'm discovered. I felt guilty for suggesting such a date venue suddenly.

"You can do us a favour by showing yourselves now and maybe we'll spare you a feel blows. But if you are not gon--"

The gust of wind flew past as well as a gunshot seemingly pointed towards the air could be heard. Xyren emerged from the darkness she blended so well with and elbowed one of her previous gang mates on his cheek that broke half of the teeth he owned judging from the momentum. The victim wanted to scream but he was interrupted by a second blow landing on his head. The attacker then glided like a gymnast using the first victim's head like a pivot to plant a dropkick on a second victim. The tip of her high heels struck his groins. Somehow i felt evil and hoped that the impact crushed it because it sounded like it did. An eunuch-like scream escaped his mouth making him a her now for the rest of 'its' life. This one was only holding a baseball bat. Nevertheless the two of them fell flat to the floor. The one with the gun stayed motionless while the one without his balls rolled on floor crying away 'its' manhood. I began to wonder if the spirit of Lara Croft possessed my girlfriend. She disappeared into the darkness again.

The remaining five (I could finally spot the exact numbers of the hooligans) turned towards the direction of the noise. They pointed their lights hoping to find that pretty dangerous girl but thankfully they saw nothing but rusted metal platform with flimsy poles that looked like they weren't maintained for very long. One of them with a gun panicked and decided that he could get lucky by shooting into the darkness blindly. The others resumed their search for her and me. One of them with a metal bar walked towards where I was. He didn't see me, right? He couldn't have. I childishly wished I was really good at playing hide and seek. I stayed as motionless as i could but it didn't deter him from moving closer. I could hear his nervous panting but I think I'm the more nervous one. I wished I could do something about it but my negativity reminded me that I could be a burden to the professional if I thought I was smart. Desperately I wanted to call out "SAVE ME XYREN!" and watch another live action movie but that would reveal where i was and there are no re-takes in real life. Or maybe I could try the elbow trick that i saw just now? Yeah, maybe she could be proud of me too. Maybe.

As if he was anticipating someone coming from any direction where he was now, his footsteps lightened. His breathing gave his location away though. My heart was whispering 'give-up-looking-here-already' to his brain while my brain was trying to remember how artistic my girlfriend knocked down the gunner and imitated her position the best i could. When my heart realised it wasn't built for telepathy, it began to convince me to think that I was King Leonidas for a few seconds.

I sprung out of the metal-rod-holder's nothingness with my almighty elbow that missed his nose by two inches. (I was aiming for the cheek too) I couldn't control the inertia of the swing and it hit the dusty pole that was meant to prevent vertigo. The rusted pole cracked a little while my forearm felt numb because. I didn't miss hitting myself on the nerve. A loud "pang!" was apparent. My doom too. I assumed everyone knew where to look for me now. He laughed at my failed attempt to fight back and my sorry face. What were they gonna do to me?

Clag.Clag.Clag.Clag.Swift high heel footsteps. The two with guns heard it too and fired random shots at where they assumed the sound was coming from. Thankfully they had horrible accuracy. I assumed that though, from the temporary silence after a few blank shots.One 'clag' replaced the silence and then it was followed by two 'clangs'. Before anyone saw anything Xyren somersaulted her way to their top while being close enough to steal one of the pistols like an acrobat performing the baton passing stunt. Everyone else who were conscious widened their eyes trying to differentiate if the flying person was Xyren or Jackie Chan. Deep inside my heart, the world's smallest band was playing its cresendo to match the excitement from merely watching what just happened. An urge to cheer for her came and was gone as soon as i remembered there was a guy with a weapon in front of me. Like me, he was utterly shocked too as proven by not changing the same posture he had a few seconds ago. Taking that chance, I pushed him away not knowing what would that do to keep myself safe.

"Holy crap" One of the men exclaimed.

While airborne, Xyren managed to flip the pistol to face the targets. The remaining guy with the gun woke up to his senses and returned fire as if he was defending himself. Neither of them were avid sharpshooters and bullets flew in all the harmless directions. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. To my horror, the landing trajectory of that jump seemed to end at the pole I mistakenly damaged just now. She was gonna fall.

I shouldn't have tried to be smart.

Her heels tapped at the where i estimated it. The failing pole crumbled to her weight. However, her killing intend wasn't replaced by her will to survive. If I were her I would've let go of the gun and reach out for my hands which were trying to save her life. Instead, she continued firing. A few bullets greased through my hair and it stopped the gunfire coming from the other direction and orchestraed the screams of a few dying men. Finally she realised she promised to let me kiss all night later. Maybe I shouldn't have underestimated her agility because her left hand reached out for mine. I felt the grip although gravity was never forgiving. I realised her right hand was still holding on to the weapon and it sort of disappointed me. Either she was hiding it really well or she looked totally calm and that kind of scared me too.

"How very romantic.."

Shit. Should've worked out more and I could've pull Xyren up. Xyren wasn't heavy but my hands were weak. My hands felt like it was going to separate from my body but I believed in my happy ending. Suddenly I thought of myself declaring death isn't enough to separate us moments ago and now this was so going to be so my fault. The crack on the pole. We were so gonna kiss. The way she taunted me. My crude jokes followed by her laughter. The bicycle ride together. Cheating in exams with a stranger. The way she convinced me to go somewhere she desired. Her 'this is the first time i...' to me. My pathetic inability to carry her up..... and finally the optimistic strength of every bit of my body and soul... to ensure my own happiness.

Little did i notice somebody's shadow, and then above that shadow was the shadow of a metal rod. Her reacting right hand made me realise that fact. My anger of her recklessness that i assumed faded. I chose to ignore the possible pain and focused on lifting her.. I didn't care if i misplaced her and she might miss the shot.

I cannot lose you...

Click. Click click click.

Out of ammo?

A roaring thud on my back. The pain was intense. But it must be bearable. I anticipated a few more coming. Or maybe a lot more. I mentally disciplined myself to hold her tighter upon receiving every hit. Tears began to drip uncontrollably that got me to hate myself more to suspect the fact that I was a man who couldn't tolerate physical pain. I won't give up on you, Xyren. It will be worthwhile. It will be worthwhile. It will be.....

"Blinnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkk!"

Along came a blow that sent stars and fog to my vision. Xyr- Everything blacked out.

*****

"You fucking bastard!"

The leader of the gang, Monero held Whart, the metal rod wielder by his collar so close to himself he could smell his halitosis breath. Whart was always the troublemaker, the coward, the one who talked the loudest only when he knew he was on the winning side. He was sadistic, and always dreamt of being the alpha although he was never being very competent at even the easiest of jobs. Originally Monero had him in the pack just so if shit happens he would be the scapegoat. And originally Monero just wanted to mutilate Blink so Xyren would realise how powerless and useless Blink was around her. He had wanted Xyren back himself. Ironically, his stupidity never thought that bringing people with weapons like guns would result in what that had happened now.

Whart was the shadow over Blink. He was the one who said How very romantic. And the one barraging the helpless guy with a weapon that he was never good at using. Not that he was good at anything anyway. The short-lived feeling of sadistic truimph had been forgotten when his eyes met Monero's. He wanted to flee but fear had sprouted him to the where he was. He wanted to say that he was sorry but he knew it takes more than sorry to rectifiy what he just did. One moment he was laughing hysterically. Now he was crying, even before any pain was inflicted on him.

"You saw that bitch.. She was crazy."
"And so you hit the guy?"
"I. I-"

Before he realised it he was eating up his own words. Another member of the gang, Hind, the third and last survivor from the sky dive bullet shower spoke and it seemed to distract Monero from killing Whart a few minutes earlier. A bullet lodged into his right feet. He somehow felt lucky to be alive although he felt stupid for following someone like Monero just because he was his childhood friend.

"What are you going to do about that pretty boy?"

He was mending himself with the first aid knowledge he got from high school. Monero had always respected Hind and considered him as if he was a brother. But the big guy was fuming mad at the 'scapegoat' he almost ignored his 'brother'. Luckily, for Whart, he didn't. It was a long silence until he muttered,

"Dispose of his body."
"Dead or alive?"

Gathering the remaining bit of energy, Hind got up and limped towards the now unconscious Blink. Monero hadn't answered. He pointed his gun at that pretty head, waiting for an answer from the leader. Monero was never this indecisive, he thought to himself.

*****

I lovee yewwwwwwwww!!

What the fuck? Did I just declared 'I-love-you' instead of 'save-my-life' when I knew I was going to die? Must've been watching too many movies. Wait. Did I just, fall? I didn't remember falling. Was this heaven? If it was then the ground i was on now sure felt like the floor we were leaning on just now. He pulled me up right? I remembered myself being sucked up by a force. But I remembered our fingers disconnected so did every nerve connected to my brain. I remembered yelling out his name with the maximum capability of my lungs. But the i-love-you I wanted to say so much didn't make it. I seemed to lose control and sensation of my throat, my mouth and my lungs. Did I scared myself to death?

Yeah that must had be a dream. My stupid ex came up to carry out the promise I didn't let him make. Then I singled handedly fought them off but died a heroine. I even somersaulted and fire rounds mid-air. Blinkie must've being so proud of me if he happened to see that. Heehee. Maybe I could show him that someday in real life. Oh wait. Did i just fall asleep in his arms? Not my fault okay. Blame his cushion-like arms. He must've being really mad at me now if I really did doze off. We even promised to kiss. Did we? Or was in or out of the dream? When did I start dozing off?

Wait. If i were asleep, why was i here lying on the floor, face down but not on his shoulder?
Yeah, I was gonna wake up anytime soon. It felt like worse hangover I had ever had. I didn't remember any recent alcohol intakes. My back and head ached like it had multiple blunt traumas. Suddenly I remembered, in that dream, Blinkie was holding on to a falling me so tightly while enduring beatings from that useless jerk Whart. I saw his perserverance and that suck-it-up expression and, for the first time in my life, was touched by man to the extend i shed tears. In a dream. Oh, my cheeks were wet. Did I just cried in the dream? Maybe that was why he left me at the floor.

"*blur*pose of is bod*blur*"

What the fuck? That voice bore an uncanny resemblance with my stupid ex's. Was Blinkie trying to imitate it? He sure did a good job. Wait. I never even told him that moron's name! Nevertheless this incident recovered my sense of hearing.

"dead or alive?"

Hind? Okay. This wasn't a dream. Maybe I was unconscious for awhile. Suddenly I worried about Blinkie's safety and hoped I wasn't unconscious for too long. Guiltiness surged into me but it was immediately replaced by adrenaline when I felt a recently fired Glock pointed at my head. A few strands of hair seared to the heat residue of the gun. I didn't remember having such short hair.

Hind was never this careless, I thought to myself. He knew the disarming trick my hand could do, right? Judging from the direction of barrel, the Glock must be right above my wrist. Seizing the precious opportunity, I wrestled the gun out of his hand into mine.

What the fuck? My motions were less fluid. Maybe Hind was being cautious all the while. Or that I got clumsier. I could do it faster three months ago.

"Fuck!"

Another few rounds were fired randomly due to a struggling Hind. What the fuck? I could out-wrestle him three months ago, too. And now he had the chance of overpowering me. Did I mellowed down ever since I was with Blinkie? Maybe that was the price i had to pay. Was it worthwhile?

Eh. I remembered I just somersaulted moments ago. I didn't believe that my fighting skills were rusted. Did I bruised his manly ego back in the days that he decided to work out more for today? Oh. I just somersaulted and shot him in the leg moments ago. Lucky bastard who survived. Not anymore.

"They should teach you a lesson that revenge is never sweet-"

In some ways I respected this man. But it takes more than respect for me to take such a dishonorable advantage - blame survival instinct. I stomped at his wound with my Jimmy Choos and hoped the pain would incapacitate him enough to move on the next threat.

The attacking sensation was strange - I felt the pressure of my whole feet instead of the supposed pressure only on my heels - and realised I was wearing Nike Air that didn't belong to me. It looked very familiar though. Blinkie's?

Unable to bear the pain, Hind collapsed to the floor and tried his best not to scream but failed. A running stupid ex subsituted for his fallen comrade's position and attempted to land a punch on my face. It was his trademark one-shot-punch or so he called it, I knew exactly how to avoid it but my reflexes seemed slower. Blaming Blinkie again. It didn't critically hit me but the sheer force of the punch and the shockwave made me fell flat to the floor. I was alive enough to feel happy about breaking up with this stupid. At least, if you wanted to kill me, do it in other ways but please don't disfigure my face. Although Moreno was stupid in many ways, he was the best guy I had ever met in bed. I could never find another bull to ride me like that. Not a chance with Blinkie. But that bull came with a catch, his left waist was his forbidden zone. He said it would hurt even upon contact and that he always had to sleep with the right side of his body on the bottom. Never thought that kind of information would come in handy. Half laying on floor, I ran a fist onto his weakness. I was in disbelief when I thought I heard my knuckle crack. Due to the spot on impact, he submitted momentarily but was still strong enough to stand up.

"That bitch told you that?"

Huh? Was 'bitch' addressing himself? I lifted myself up. I realised I was panting. It was been awhile since I've actually ran out of breath like that. Wait a minute. Something was missing. I was fairly sure that what I did just now WASN'T enough to tire me. Moreover, even if i pant, why did my chest felt, lighter? Did my boobs suddenly fall off? Out of nowhere an unlikely hypothesis occured to me. No way this was happening. Doubting how impossible my hypothesis was, my left hand reached to feel what that was in between my legs.

The Nike Air instead of the Jimmy Choos. The cracking of the knuckle. Moreno's "that bitch told you that". Hind's something-something-about-revenge. The panting. The pressumed rust of skills. The pain in the head and back.

A dick.