fragments, scatter # 3: wake me up inside

Great. It could be you who gave us the ability to see ghosts. And now is not a good time to be sarcastic.

How do I trust you?
How can you not trust your girlfriend? You're breaking my heart.
It could be that you were hiding that fact all along to spare me the dreadful details.
I'm not.
But it doesn't make sense either.
Or it could the side effects of.. your possession? I wanted to think that this was a dream.
You're convincing me little by little that this isn't a dream, from that statement.
Am I actually listening to your unfiltered thoughts?
Are we actually listening to each other's unfiltered thoughts?
This could be problematic.
Didn't you just say that I could trust you?
Yeah, but..
but?

All of my woman-ly secrets would be unwillingly revealed to you. Like my ex's name is Monero that you didn't know and that I preferred his body over yours. (obviously)

Shivers were sent down my spine. I

felt that too and it was weird as hell because it's like I was making myself shiver. It's not like I heard Xyren pronounced her sentence word by word but it just... occurred to me? I felt the same too. As if we were communicating as one person's inner conflict. Discipline versus temptation. Principle versus efficiency. My angel versus my devil. Heads versus tails. Difference was, it's Blink versus Xyren now. And a kind reminder, we were in a cemetery. I knew, stop repeating. The same silhouettes continued to stare at us like we were a quarreling couple in a drama. That made us realise that all that conversation/ our monologue happened a lot faster than our talking pace. The shiver shock was still apparent within the spine, rendering goosebumps to almost every existing hair of my/his body. The exaggerating vibration was so unbearable that my reflex pointlessly sent our hand to stop the vibration like how you cover a fresh wound. My eyes turned to look at my hand, mine but not authoritatively mine. The unexpected change of view felt 'Cloverfield'-ish.

What the fuck? Much to our horror, 'something' (similar to those festering on Hind's legs) was twisting and tickling and shaking my spine like an emo kid gone bonkers/it was the cause of the shiver. The grotesque was hideous beyond my imagination.

And you actually saw it before?

His question was answered by my memory before fleeing from St Jermane. Somehow, it resembled the sheer ugliness and the lack of form although it didn't look necessarily the same. The missing body parts, or the only existing body parts of the 'something' consisted of three hands, a longer one, one that looked like a human's and one that looked like half a hand. It shared the same faded grey with semi transparency. Adding detail to its atrocity, the three arms seemed to be joined to an asymmetrical face whose face features almost proportionate with the length of the arms. We could see its brain exposed at its forehead and the sight intensified the nerve-numbing sensation. Our hand began to wave frantically at where the 'something' was to shove it away although we didn't exactly know if that action would do any good.

Surprisingly it did.

Really? The situation we were in now wasn't very convincing. For a tiny speck of moment my spine felt normal but your uncertainty seemed to have revived the unholy creature. Then, a second wave of shiver, this one a whole lot more amplified, hit us as if it intended to peel off all the hair from the body. Variations of the 'something's solidified in thin air from trails of black ashes converging from every direction to form the body parts. A pile of apparitions (lets call it apparitions instead of 'something's from now) were cutting each other's queue to 'play' with my/our spinal cord.

ArEReREerRerreREeReRErgEEeH!!!

I/We wanted to scream but choked momentarily and no sound came out and I imagined those apparitions summoned two hands to choke us to death. I would like to think, though, that both of us issued different commands that confused this body instead of apparitions trying to suffocate us. Impressed by Blinkie's optimistic deduction at such a dangerous timing, I will try to put away all my negativity and help juice out some ideas to free ourselves from this mess. Still, my/our head jerked to the front violently from the attack and I had to move a few steps to the front to accommodate our balance.

Thanks, but did you just called me Blinkey?

And I let my mind get distracted by that embarrassing inquiry although I knew now wasn't exactly the appropriate time. Answering him,

Ever since I'd actually starting to feel something for you.

That's... so weird of you.
Don't you dare call me weird!

Much to our delight that distracting conversation/ monologue lessened the tingling annoying sensation. Another unsolved confusion about the silhouettes that were sitting or moving around observing us suddenly popped. Most of the apparitions broke into fragments and scattered around, diverging to every direction and gathered or disappeared in random spots. The shiver hadn't been completely gone but it felt comfortable enough for me/us to unknowningly stare at the immobile silhouettes I/we saw before. The facial features was a blur at first but every feature seemed to fall onto place the longer I/ we concentrated. The abnormality slowly constructed itself from the scattered fragments from the fragments of the apparition to look more and more normal, and now a middle-aged man stood before my/our eyes. As neither of us were familiar with such sightings, a simple gesture like a smile from that phantom erected every hair in my/our body again what the fuck.

I wanted to look away so I turned around to confirm if my deductions were correct.

Again, the apparitions re-formed the same way to possibly do the same thing to us but we kinda felt prepared for it by forcing ourselves to talk to each other intimately/reenacting lovey dovey sweet talks!

and what the fuck do you mean by 'forcing'!? was talking to me that fricking hard?
Explain blinkey? I do love talking to you. It's just that you always want me to say something smart.
Because I think you're really cute and you deserve a '-ie' behind your original name. and what the fuck- 'i do love talking to you' is nowhere smart.
Why are you replying before I could compose anything from my mind? 'Blinkey' kinda annoys me.
What do you mean annoying?! It's not!
It is, to me! To think that you NEVER actually called me that be- (interrupted by another thought)

An inconvenient truth: I realised we were communicating with each other's unfiltered thoughts too spontaneously. A human brain takes some time to receive input signals coming from random sensing sources and takes some time (the period usually differs for each individual) to interpret them to produce reactions. And now, we were as if listening and talking to each other's processing language - I wasn't even sure it was even English. It could be a customised language for a specific word that you were most familiar with or a picture that pops to the mind. In any case, a picture would be the most instantaneous. A mind then decides which reaction would deem the most appropriate by the norms and then present a reaction. As for now, anything that came to mind will be heard exactly even before any physical reaction is given - because of the 'possession'.

Somehow I understood what Blinkie meant - I'm not sure if I could if I wasn't sharing his mind - and it soothed my mind which was in a boggling mess.Quickly I was reminded about the apparitions which were supposed to be responsible for sending shivers down our spine.

Why you!~

Oops.

The 'oops' was so casual that it unknowingly distracted my mind from feeling fear. Or maybe it was that smart ass observation that Blinkie made that I wanted to hear which kind of charmed me to the extend I temporarily forgotten that I was starring in a horror film. Did i just not see those apparitions when we were pre-occupied with our own world of thoughts?

Not to mention that our spine was relaxed since what-the-fuck-did-you-mean-by-forcing.
You thinking what I am thinking?
The guilt of the five murders..
and that I forgot about it and no longer see them right after realising that my cause was righteous..
Am I actually reliving in your memory?

It was as if I was recalling the scene. As it was still fresh in her, or our, mind, the details and sensation were so unbelievably... myself, if it was the word for it.I wondered if I could dig into a random stored memory of Xyren's.

Hey! No peeking!
Wow, a few more seconds of distraction from the shiver!
Huh?

Another shiver.

I would like to think that this one was lesser in magnitude. I would like to think that Blinkie is the most optimistic boyfriend in the world. And that we were pretty moronic for standing and flirting in a cemetery. And cool too. Because I was getting more and more used to it? The form of the apparitions correspond to our feelings?

Uhm. Ya. Smart. Sarcastically impressed. Let's run away?

Impulsively I commanded the right leg to make the first step while I used the left to do the same and fell like an oversized toddler that tried to run before knowing how to walk properly. The bruises I've gathered moments ago from Whart was excruciatingly painful as I/we landed on the ground in contact with them.

The pain couldn't be so real. Your voice couldn't be so clear.

This really wasn't a dream.