Torn

It didnt turn out as i expect to be
Different opinions
i'm pinned in between

i didn't do anything wrong
i didn't do anything that offend others
why am i still looked down at?

anyway
thanks for noticing
and pitying that i was used

and anyway
thanks for being the very few people talking to me
its being lonely, these days

i dread monday

If Only

if only he had let me fetch him
if only he went instead of sleeping at home
if only he didnt correct me when i say its one way street OUT from penang road
if only he told me no, but its near there
if only he didnt mention upr or the road arcs
if only the handsfree is louder
if only the phone loudspeaker is louder
if only i have some self confidence
if only i do not need to rely on people
..
blaming. Pointing fingers. Stop that.
but i wasnt issued a ticket
black fat cop did requested to look at my driving license
am i supposed to sign anything? i didnt.

mine, died, and i dont know why
i made yours died too and i dont know why
its stupid to feel this way
im innocent
why do i feel guilty
and when i thought its ok since the interest died, it happened again
im not following
im too pissed to follow
why do i have to pay for things that's not my fault?
i said i would and im told no need for awhile and then now?
maybe not the right timing.
im pissed at the moment.
sorry for not replying

fuck you for taking advantage
how could you forget when you just did it
but why am i letting you
maybe im too lonely that i dont mind being taken advantage for extra social behaviour
but then i have to know the fact that i can give
just that those that i wanna give to doesnt want to take
and still i have to give

and i thought the awkwardness cooled down.
why cant i follow to buy things?
excuses.
at least im not expecting so much now

my right hand and legs are growing red jellyish spots that slightly itches and slightly hurts upon contact.
i look like im diabetic
my cough has not stopped for three weeks
my inner right jaw or gum pains when i open my mouth too wide
my new phone keeps having bugs that im wondering if its a prototype product.

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG TO DESERVE ALL OF THESE?
its gonna be better tomorrow.

Hollow

i've being trying to upload a pic for like 100- times and it doesnt work
grrr!

Swarmed

Memoirs of a Loner

930 am wake up and eat
945 am play nfs underground.
1130am completed the game (started 1 week ago, playing on n off). sleep.
115pm wake up and lunch
130pm lie on bed and do nothing
230pm lie on bed and listen to music
430pm mass download new songs
630pm dinner
800pm listen to music. again.
1000pm watch some kiddo movie - stormbreaker. nth else better to do. hate it tho.
1130pm watch gay youtube videos
now.am typing this blog.

......................

Self satisfaction

backspace.
being pressing it so many times i dont really know what should i say
when there's nothing to say just say nothing
i find myself saying nothing but crap just to fill time
when will this end?

i.no.longer.know.what.to.feel.
i observed
the people around me
they laugh
they grumble
they feel accompanied
they say things that happen to them rather than nonsense which i usually say
im craving to feel accompanied
i grumbled so much i dunno what to grumble anymore
so i laugh

i'm holding on
to nobody but myself
i can't blame the environment that brought me up
i chose many things myself
the feeling of regret is just an obstacle or a demoralizer
people still gotta live on with their lives
so do i.

just another year.
happy new year.
i believe you i believe
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
this is gonna be my new ringtone
my 6101 sucks playing anything
i should sometimes do things to satisfy.myself.
so,
http://www.mobile88.com/mobilegallery/specification.asp?pg=spec&prodid=20680&cat=1
ur gonna be mine