emo-style-happy

i'll pray for ur safety even though im nobody
hope that u've found a place to stay before the course starts so that things wont get so hectic (more like so that i can talk to you)
the only sensible thing for me to do now is being patient.
i think.

would it provoke you for this few days of temporal disconnection?
i'm honestly okay with it because i know its inevitable but deep inside are you okay?
am i even being too sensitive to mention about this?
or do you not even care about me and that i'm really stupid to write this few lines of infatuation?
hmm but i rather be stupid because this way it's never my fault.
very selfish i know. but if u really understand what i meant its the complete opposite. (the meaning made vague because if random people sees it, they'll doubt me being able to do it so i'll just keep that to myself)

you made/make/will still make me so happy though. those days. even though they might be nothing to others or to you. but its something to me. merely thinking about this cancels out all the negativity in me and so im here smiling like an idiot.
i hope ur as idiotically happy as me.

so that's why im ranting it here. in this blog. the female (wtf?) side of me which generates imbalance hormones that only complicates things to no solution. or maybe u will still find it cute because of my obsessive devotion. hehehe.

untold

secret nostalgia
presumed mutual transparency
actions and reactions
the correct tuning seems clearer now
but so many uncertainties lie ahead

i hope my naivety can be tolerated.
i hope i dont change that much to accomodate what i am and what i've done
i want to be known as me and me again in the future and when there's a change in me it will be seen or notified by me.
i feel that this is the best i can give at my level now and i have no regrets on whatever that i've done.

i can still hope. there's still plenty of parts to be played. i hope i can fit the role.
at the very least i hope its appreciated and remembered.
for all i know, what already happened, is a blessing that i never thought i would receive. =)

optimism

I don't know if it's really apt but i feel like saying this,

i've failed. with flying colors. heh.

report

oh. i'm surprisingly not emo.

heh. i poured my heart out.
i never felt like i dps-ed more than today.

you have your standing grounds and i respect that.
but whatever i know about myself, i believe.
your doubts wont change what i know.

such is life.

idontseeredsign

hehehe.
rare post.
not emo.

put my feet back on the ground.
completing a little bit of this but missing out a little bit of that.
hope it ends well.

period

what's worse?
not answering or not getting through?
am i supposed to take this as a message?
is there a function that filters out unwanted calls?

or is it just that its just a moment of temporal preoccupation?
or the receiving station is lost?
if it's lost would there be the effort of reclaiming it in such a short time?
even if its reclaimed, would there be replies?

am i supposed to even worry about this?
safety?
am i eglible to worry about that?
not here, right?
is it just an accident of forgetfulness?

why am i checking on my phone constantly?
why do i always think i received a message but its just an optical illusion?
and why everytime my heart skips a beat receiving an sms?
but its revealed to be some forwarded advertisement message
and then reality sinks in.

and then all the questions stated above shall repeat themselves randomly but in similar ways

mirana nightshade part 2

one minute i'm on cloud nine.
another minute i'm six feet underground.

things look grim now
but another elune's arrow being fired.
and i will trust my aim and chase it

even if it misses.

ask

ask. ask. ask.

excessive?

blank.

answers doesnt sound awkward though.
there's some level of authenticity
or am i just viewing the glass half full.

think of something interesting to tell.

blank.

think of something to comment.
commented by self in the answer.

blank again.

ask. ask. ask.

i remember the annoyance of this monotony.
is this supposed to happen?

not easy.
i have to do better than me, me and then, me, and finally, me.

revert

i need to find the right tuning
to not cross the line and to be somewhere visible
these thoughts have being overwhelming me lately
numerous assumptions and vague answers
can i interpret it as being slightly better than neutral?
i dont like to take things for granted but i felt like i'm doing so.
oh, the irony.

and there's is feeling that the 'me' from the past is coming back, somehow.
might be im improved.
might be im more reckless.
it's too subjective to judge but, you see it now, how things are the way it is now, dont you?

and , and, whatever that i already deserved, i really apprieciate them. thanks for the attention.

last but not least, sorry to all of those i've bother and thanks for the ears and advices, regardless of the result.