call/normal

I slid my phone open. I sensed that pressing that few numbers would result in an incoming panic attack. Nobody was home but me. The loneliness mysteriously contributed some slight factor of comfort. Every device in the house was switched off, i would hear every minute sound around me but they didnt seem to register in my mind. All signs lead to nothing and doing nothing about her the best thing that i can and should do. I'm entangled by my own illusion of things and somehow i seem to like it that way. I saw her smiling face, an image, which is real, but is more imaginary than real. I unslid my phone.


I slid my phone open. Because of the fact that i slid it open for the first time. And the fact that the lights doesnt turn off immediately after i revert it back to its unslided position. I assured myself that i'm too good for a panic attack. Pressed the numbers for the operator. I reminded myself how lonely i am and wanted to feel as if someone is calling me by their initiative. And wanted to look cool to those invisible CCTVs in my room. So i unslid my phone. And left it on the table.


I pretended as if i wasnt suspecting a call. I changed. The return call from the operator seemed forever. I lost my patience. Slid my phone open. Redialled. A message alert. My phone seemed to send me a message by sending a message that the previous called was voice mailed. No dial tone. Because that message cancelled that redialling call. To regain immoral support, i looked at the image again. The smile looked less like a smile. I unslid my phone.

The call card wasnt used since purchase. Supposed to be yesterday. And yesterday's yesterday. I slid my phone open, so that today wouldn't be another yesterday. Panic resurfaced, causing hestitation. I know i memorized her number. Somehow i feared that there's this possibility that i might forget the number so i refreshed my doubtful memory of the number. And resumed to the picture. And wanted to key in the numbers. And forgot. And unslid my phone.

The lights doesnt turn off. Now her smile looked more like a smile. Maybe it's angle. or the angels. or i'm mad. Checked on the number again. No, it didn't secretly change by itself. I'm certain. I'm certain. Well, i wasnt. What the heck. My fingers ran through the numbers as fast as possible. I'm still certain. I lost all senses of sight, feel (touch), and scent. Beautiful women dont capture my eyes now.

It took an eternity but it was only awhile when i heard the dial tone. Due to the distance of the call, the dial tone was distinct. It sounded like a distortion of frequencies and heartbeats. First dial tone. Fourth dial tone. Second dial tone. Seventh dial tone. Third dial tone. Fifth dial tone. Ninth dial tone. Sixth dial tone. I was about to unslid my phone on the infinity-th dial tone.

It connected. A few thousand miliseconds of silence. I imagined my heart followed the frequency. But my heart is normal. I pictured myself saying the usual first line i always say when i called her.

'waii'

A man's voice. Her man's voice? It sounded like...heck i dont wanna remember. Was she unavailable somewhere and he was with her so he answered for her? Suddenly i felt like if i had cancer i rather not know i have. Or it could just be that i pressed the wrong numbers. I own dramaqueens in terms of drama.

'hello?'

The unfamiliar voice again. It echoed itself to familiarity. Its innonence knocked me out of my evil intentions. Wait. I am not evil! Why am i scared? and guilty? I don't know why but i knew i was. I'm too fragile to take this. If this was a movie, I'm the first pawn of a villian to die, those that just got killed in a random gunshot and you wouldn't bother remember watching him die. Nevertheless I died politely.

'Sorry wrong number.'

The echo continued. Silently. Persistently. I unslid my phone. Like finally. For that day.