redbox

screamed my lungs+throat+heart out!
i dont think i feel like talking!
my tummy slightly hurts!
i dont think i can sleep early tonight!
but its all worth it!~

wonder when would be the next time cos nobody would wanna go with me :'(

Mention

i'm so tired of everything
putting up facades so much that one day it'll be part of your face
it's so hard that if you try to understand someone from their past
because people change and then you anticipated wrongly
or because i'm just so biased i give people less credit.

in the end everyone shall put up a smile and get over with it
i felt so confused and ashamed that im worrying about this
imma seclude myself
hide beneath a blanket and rise when i feel like it.

******

i never wished.
for a reason that i'm so confident because you know my fondness of numbers
i would never forget your deeds
and the small details and moderate value that contributed to the gift chosen.

Another Tag

Here are the rules.
To tag along: you have to list 7 weird things about yourself, post it in your blog,
tag at least 7 people (list their names),
and comment on their blog to let them know that you just tagged them.



1. i collect mp3-s. well, many people do that, but i put all the songs i like ONLY and i can listen to them over and over again. If you live with me you'll probably be sick of hearing me playing the same songs again and again but i'll still enjoy it. I even like the artist so much i don't mind spending money to buy their albums even if i downloaded and listened to all or most of their songs.


2. if someone were to give me the divine conspiracy or the silent force or the heart of everything, i would hug and kiss the person non-stop even if it's a he.


3. i remember numbers slightly better than everyone. For example, dannyyap's number is 0175119567, samwang's IC is 841031076259 and jinggy's friendster ID is 7868820. But dont ask me what the speed of light is. It's 2.979954 to me. (i dont know if its right)

4. being good at numbers doesnt justify i have a good memory - i'm bad at directions. Tendencies of me getting lost in a carpark, missing a turning that i know that i'm supposed to head to, trying to go back to college from sunshine market and instead ends up in intel etc etc are very high. No wonder i'm still single until now. *sob

5. i believe in irony. Sometimes i find beauty from it because of the 'reasonlessness' of the two not supposed to blend together thing 'blend' together properly. For instance, i like vigilante shows like the dark knight, v for vendetta , code geass etc.

6. i dont like to eat apples. if that's not weird enough, i don't like to eat durians since 9 because my brother hates it. (i used to love them.)

7. i spend 2 hours trying to think of what to write!! i mean, i know i'm weird and there should be a lot of things i can write about, but this pawns wow and free gym membership!
*smiles idiotically like a kid gotten his candy

Now, besides listing down 7 weird things about urself, you have to list down 7 weird things about the person who tagged you. and post in the blog and tag 7 more people. hehe...all the best."

1. Her surname is ting but in chinese is 'chen'. Oops. i offended the whole family. :S

2. She is from penang. She knows where Penang Hill is now. She rocks! (guess cant say that much since i suck at directions too)

3. Likes to act a fool or innocent.

4. Loves pink but never include that color in her friend test quiz.

5. she cant drink milk.

6. Prefers being fat than have a slight amount of ache.

7. i could go on and on till 70 but 1-6 already took me an hour.

okay.. maybe its not about her being weird.

lalala

7pplimgonnatag?

seriously me dunno who read my blog and if u did, ur tagged.

B-blues

is she gonna wish me?
no, she forgotten my previous one

is she gonna wish me?
oh she's gonna do so

is she gonna wish me?
oh wait she never even bothered to know

come think of it, neither matters anymore
im turning 22
*frowns*

i dont wanna be abused anymore. i shall stand up for myself. and i did. and so i'm feeling a helluva weird feeling mixed with guilt and pride. correct me all u want but its what i really felt. maybe he'll change his perceptive or me or not. even though life's not fair, its never wrong to attempt to make it fair.

reality struck me again. maybe i wont be like this if i shared the same lifestyle as him. or maybe i wont even choose to. happiness can be met in various ways. guess i've found some but not totally. or maybe its just my personality to complain.
*frowns again*

i so am gonna turn into a 40 year-old-virgin!!

*slaps self and goes to sleep.

loneliness overdose

When you know your picture is gonna be taken, you smile. When you are introduced to new people, you smile. When you listen to a cold joke said by some not-so-close friends, you have to force a smile too. When life is happy, you smile gleefully. Sociable people can differentiate real smiles from fake smiles. Good actors can smile anytime anywhere so much that the action is doubted by narrow minded characters. Maybe they are really happy just the way it is. How can i achieve this happiness?

I never was a good actor. My expressions tell people more than my words about my intentions. Sometimes i feel like i suck so much at lying that i must well tell the truth and face the consequences earlier. But no, don't get me wrong. i'm not totaly an honest person. It's just that i never lie about anything major for signicifant reasons. or maybe i did about what i feel. i dont know. You can ask me a question today and u get an answer. Moments later, another person might inquire about the same question and i'll get another answer. Things around you change that influences me to alter my choice. However, i firmly believe that this happens to everyone too.

am single from birth till now. tried but failed. maybe my effort wasnt enough. maybe my methods are wrong. i think n talk about it alot but seems like the actions i've taken is inversely proportional to all my think-n-talking. sometimes i wonder if i missed a few buses. but its kinda disrespectful to the 'buses' to think like that. I say this based only on the expressions and way of talking which are only considered 'suspicious', not obvious. I'm told that, to success, you have to properly hide your 'pursuing intentions'. Since i've never had any luck at this, is it safe to say that im showing my 'intentions' too much? People i've 'tried' to talk to werent as authentic than the people i 'try' to talk to. maybe they think im desperate. maybe i am. and it doesnt help at all. sigh.

i might or might not play wow again. i hate the life resulted from commiting to that game. it doesn't make me know what to say to people, where even now i'm having problems with that. months ago, when anyone ask me to play, i would strongly refuse. am i influenced now? am i blaming being single for the rest of my life on it so i dont wan to play? do i disrespect if i dont play because its given as a gift? thinking back 2 years, i almost didnt treasure gifts given upon me. it's kinda shameful to mention around the topic of the gift to the person who gave the gift. But we have the right to choose right? and to all question stated above, i dont have a specific answer to any of them.

grass is always greener on the other side. but people around me are granted better things in life and are still complaining.
damn'em all.
and sorry too.

shirokuyon goyonreehachi

am so reluctant to give up the number.
am so lazy to sms everyone to tell them that i've new number
..

have i really let go?
i know
any new number wont deserve the position
even if it is no longer anything
even if it is nothing to you
its something that i've treasured.

oh well. move on.

Help.

i think i landed.
life's been so dull.
im running out of things to say to anyone.
im getting fatter and fatter

so many things seem so high up on the sky
as if it is unreachable
shall i shoot the moon or just go with the flow that i usually do?
things arent the way they were before
i'm no go-getter
would i be able do change for the better?
c'mon, i'm already working.

blah.
it's not like i'm so happy with my job.
neither am i happy with anything else
being the opposite of materialistic is boring and bore-inducing
hope i can make someone (i wish there's a specific one) happy to make myself happy.

crap. symptoms of the imaginary beau.