feather fragments # 5: goodnightnsweetdreams part 2

Siren is from my primary school. Just some information to continue the comprehension for the next part.

I was rational back then. Not drowned. Still able to visualize myself in the future, unaware that i'm not doing anything i thought back then. Nevertheless now there's always this thought that tells me i should done this, refined that, be more proactive, and i won't end up like now. Well, it's now, now. Swallow it. Learnt that the hard way.

Had a gathering with most of my closer primary school friends with the exception of Toby. Everyone there knows of Siren and my intentions too so it was a topic discussed around there. Let me introduce you to Cool. He's a Siren veteran. In simple words, he is/was close to her, so he have a better understanding of her than anyone else. So logically, he would be the one suggest and advicing me what to do. It goes:

"Give up. She's not easy. Very hard to guess what she is thinking sometimes. The only way that she would be with you in a relationship, is that she likes you beforehand." This, i can only listen, with all due respect of his knowledge of her.

Cool continued, "Furthermore, you are younger than her. Younger, even by months, is considered younger, to her. You can't change that fact. But you can change how you feel now." I nodded. As my feelings weren't as developed as now, I find that a perfectly fine thing to do.

Last but not least, "Maybe you can try really hard. Maybe it might work. But that'll have to mean you there with her for she still has another year over there in Australia. Maybe you can do PhD there. Just maybe, but my best advice for you is to give up".

"Yea, i dont think it's that worth it too." "Don't think i know her that much or like her that much to go over Australia." Yes, believe me, i actually said that. Contradicting, contradicting.

Then there was Friction. He adviced too, based on his results, that you dont really have to sell your soul to the devil to pursue a girl. All you need is timing, chemistry, and mocha. Spend only wisely, dont force yourself too much on something. Great words of wisdom, and no im not being sarcastic.

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(i dont rmbr this is before or after the primary school friends meeting)

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Same setting as the previous post. Transition of 1st January to 2nd January. This conversation lasted longer. Started off as any normal conversation with anybody. Usual stuff like 'oh what you do yesterday-did u enjoy new year- what ur family do- was it fun- yeah yeah i dont remember all of them so well etc.

All out of sudden she brought the topic of Akasha up without me telling her about Akasha, at all. I was caught by surprise, but somewhat happy about that for mysterious and wicked reasons that only me myself know of. (those who know me well probably already know what im thinking haha) Siren told me she actually heard of me trying to pursue Akasha long time ago for a very long period and that she went to her restaurant to look at how attractive she is. I remembered asking her back how she found out about this she said she doesnt remember. I have my suspects but i'll just let them pass.

Then we talked about our past relations, starting with Akasha first as she brought that topic up. Oh, i remembered that when i told her the duration of my pursuit she complimented on my loyalty/stubbornness and there she go rejecting me some time later for being younger and not secure enough wtf haha. Then i denied by telling her another tale of mine, subject being Boschbell. To feel good about myself, i told Siren that i drew Boschbell before albeit not being chosen. Tsk.

The thought of having proportional ratio of questions and statements and storytelling and listening came across my mind. So i interviewed her about SourceofEpic. Got quite a number of information. Reasons, actions, times, feelings, then and after then, and now. And i'm surprised, or biasedly impressed by the way she blames herself for not being able to play her role in a relationship. I always have that impression that people usually defend themselves regarding this matter. However, note that i'm very easily impressed. Under certain circumstances though.

Through this, i somehow obtained some a longer tongue to lick my own wounds in the future. The longer tongue, being Siren not liking SourceofEpic so much* at first, then feelings slowly develop. Anyhow i found out later that this fact is debatable. *And i would like to stress on the word, 'SO MUCH'.

And this conversation was longer than the previous one. Even the goodbye session was extended to 15 minutes. So she really meant it, to me. As in good night and sweet dreams. Back then.

tbc..